Not me,
Men!
All of them, lately!
For some reason I attract the emotional, emotionally unavailable or emotionally wrecked types. I stopped dating to re-group and concentrate on my new job but once I got in the groove and things started to become more routine and normal, I once again ventured out into the world of online dating. I tried being more open to meeting someone in real-life but once I realized everyone has their nose in the phones, even at grocery stores and gas stations, even after I ACTUALLY waved my arms around to try and get one hottie's attention to no avail; I finally accepted the fact that meeting someone organically cannot be forced and am not sure it is even possible these days.
I re-signed on the dating app POF, uploaded recent pictures, added very honest blurb and waited.Receiving messages didn't take long sifting through them to find actual potentials takes time. A lot of time.
There are plenty of messages that I see the main pic and straight away I am not interested and I just delete the messages without reading. This might seem cold but YOU try being me and reading and responding to ALL the message! I used to operate like that, back when I was so afraid of hurting someones feelings but after years of this, you realize you can't make everyone happy and it will bite you in the ass and absorb ALL of your time if you try. I look at it as being at a "club" and getting looks from men who want to talk; instead of looking away like I would, I delete. If I don't respond, I am obviously not interested. I do this to save not only my time, but yours as well...! Reasons I will delete include but are not limited to: Missing teeth, an ethnicity I am just not attracted to, 5'7 and below (I clearly stated I need a man who is taller than 5'7), any man with a shirtless profile pic.....
Once I find an actual contender, I like to try to focus and get to know him, in order to give it a fair shot. If I am not totally feeling it with anyone, I will juggle a few until one stands out. It is the usual copy/paste type of conversations and some will drop off once I am upfront and honest about wanting to look for something more than a one night hookup. Others will just vanish mid conversation and if they are still around after a week or so, we schedule to meet. Others will fall off at this point or string out the meet up date into future weeks in which time, I start losing interest.
One man, a couple weeks ago, had made it to the meet up. Just so happened to fall on a day off just before the 4th of July and we scheduled a lunch date. Lunch dates are new to me but it went surprisingly well and we moved to afternoon drinks right after. We had a great time and I invited him to the park for fireworks, which was just down the street from where we were having drinks and I had already planned to go to with friends; he was down to just spend more time with me and it was awesome. Even sitting in traffic afterwards, we were laughing and having a great time! With high hopes, the date ended with a gentlemanly kiss and we parted ways, both smiling.
We had talked about seeing each other again but didn't set-up an actual 2nd date. (I don't think it's a good idea to make plans until at least the following day, and in this case I was so glad I waited.)
As I laid in bed after our date, I opened the dating app to view his pictures and re-read his profile. While I was on, I also deleted some messages from non-contenders. I closed the app and fell asleep.
I wake the next morning to utter chaos.
He had texted, multiple times, freaking out about me being online after our date.
Firstly; it's hypocritical. He would only be able to see me on the app if he too was on. Secondly, he had no idea what I was doing on there and was jumping to conclusions without first just simply asking me. Thirdly, the freak out in and of itself was a HUGE red flag to me.
I explained my concern and was very adult and thorough with what I texted (yes, texted since that was his method of choice, obviously). He continued to text with his assumptions and we were not able to see eye to eye on anything! I told him I didn't want this kind of relationship and left it at that.
A few days later he texted again to say he was sorry and that he had just freaked out because he liked me so much and was willing to jump in and be with just me.
After one date.
...And he wanted me to feel that same way.
I didn't.
I need more than one date with someone to know.
You don't really know someone after one date; even if it is a 12 hour date. He showed me more of himself in those texts that followed than on the date itself! How you handle yourself in a situation where you are unsure of something; whether you ask questions or just jump to conclusions and assumptions tells me a lot about how you operate in your day to day life and I'd rather the calm rational person who takes the approach of an adult conversation.
It sucks, cause I really did have fun with this guy on our 12 hour date. He seemed normal and relaxed and go with the flow. I could see myself with someone like him. It's been awhile since I've been willing to go on a 2nd date with someone and I was. He just turned out to be emotional with too much baggage than I can carry.
Since this experience, I've found online that men are in this pissy ass emotional state! One guy on the app started off by asking me "how are you?"
I answered with "great, thank you."
I was closing up at work and planned to write more once I was finished but wanted to at least put out a response real quick cause he was online at the moment. Not 3 minutes had passed when I re-open the app to write more when I saw his response of "RUDE! You don't even ask how I am?"
I just think everyone has my sense of humor and assume he is being playful...let me tell you now, he was NOT. He was genuinely upset with me for not reciprocating the "how are YOU?"...I tried to explain my side and situation at the time of first response but the damage had evidently already been done. He was obviously on his period!
Another this week had messaged me and right away told me to call him and listed his number.
I have rules when it comes to phone numbers. I don't give mine out unless I am interested in meeting someone and I don't call anyone I am not interested in because then they will have my number! I know NOTHING about this guy and he wants me to call him? Oh, also, side note; I don't like talking on the phone to strangers that want to date me. I feel it is super awkward like I work for a 900 number or something. I prefer to meet in person in a public setting first after texting for awhile and maybe swapping additional current pictures (non sexual) to see if it is someone I am interested in meeting in real life. Anyway; so this guy's first message on the app was just "Call me! XXX-XXX-XXXX"
I was in the process of writing him back 4minutes after he sent his first message and I get an alert he had written again. I copy/save what I was writing to view what else he said, and he was PISSED that I hadn't called him. 4 minutes had passed since his first message. 4. He had no idea where I stood on phone calls, he had no idea what I was currently doing and if I could even talk on the phone...he didn't care. He wanted it his way or no way.
One that got particularly ugly was the one who thought online dating was ONLY for hook-ups and was mad that I wanted more.I usually don't continue a conversation that is turning heated but I was bored on this specific night and he really got me upset. Even though it worked out for me yet, I am still a huge believer that online dating CAN work (it HAS to; at this point it seems to be my only option)...this fellows language was downright repulsive to begin with and didn't stop throughout the conver... nope, argument! He was literally angry with me that I wouldn't meet him and sleep with him!
There were a few others this week but these are the few that stood out in my head...
I have had to BLOCK more men this week than I ever have in my history of online dating. I feel the tides have shifted and I am now the laid back relaxed one while the guys are all emotional and picky. They're acting like little bitches and I don't want the drama! I'd rather be alone than in some kind of dramatic rollercoaster relationship where the man is demanding or jealous or can't trust.
am still on though, so I haven't lost ALL hope...
I am hoping that it's just this week that has men in bad moods and things will calm down.
