6/8/14: Mr. Malibou

It's hard to find a mate. The older you get, the more complicated it is.
You no longer have a high school or college full of potentials ripe for the picking at any given time. You can't see the cliques and steer clear of the weirdos. When dating in the real world after 30, in the suburbs, you kind of have to take what is available. 
When you take what is available, you then have to worry if you are what they are looking for.
When I was younger and thinner in the small pond of high school, I had the confidence and self assurance of a super model. I assumed I was everyone's type and was convinced that every guy wanted me and every girl wanted to be me. Well, okay, not THAT confident but relatively speaking to where I am now, I feel like I SHOULD have been that confident.
Dating now, I don't only have my every extending list of requirements, pre-req's and deal breakers...I also now have to worry about the guy's lists. Are they into curvy girls who don't like putting clean laundry away? Or are they into the twiggy neat girls? I no longer feel that just because I meet a single guy that he will like me. Like meeting a single guy isn't hard enough, now I have to worry if I am his type too!
This past weekend I attended a 5 year old's birthday party. Since I hang out mostly with my best friend and her family most weekends, I attend a lot of birthday parties with them. I never have any expectations of meeting anyone at any of them since the majority that attend these things are parents; occasionally there is a cute uncle but usually with his fiance. The biggest advantage of going to these things single is talking and meeting new people. Perhaps one of them I meet will have a single friend they want to set me up with. This has yet to happen because well, like most people in the suburbs, they are all already taken!
There was an exception this past weekend however. While I was going to refill my wine (yes, the kids' parties almost always have some alcohol), Mr. Malibou was pouring a cup for himself. He filled up my friends and my cup and I introduced myself. With a simple introduction, we began a 3 hour conversation. I assumed he was a dad of one of the 30 kids there at first. I was pleasantly surprised when I found out he was the only other single person at the party and happened to come down because he was friends with the birthday girls' uncle. He lived on the lake which the party was held, so it was a quick, short drive down for him to attend at the park. He came for the free wine and ended up leaving with my number.
He had asked me to stay for the after party which was to be at the little girls' moms house on the lake. A little canoe ride or paddle boarding sounded like a lot of fun and very romantic but I had been driven by my friend and we already had plans after the party. Plus I think it would have sent the wrong message if I had stayed; especially since I barley knew the parents or uncle. He asked for my number which I felt sufficient to end our time with. Leaving it all in his hands.
I left contemplating if he had just amused me during the party because he too didn't know many people or because I was the only other single person..or if I was in fact his "type" and he actually liked me. As the hours drug on and on I tried to push him in the back of my mind so I could enjoy the rest of my evening. I checked my phone frequently, waiting for his text. Usually I would receive a text immediately from a guy. the night ended and still no text.
The next morning I arose and checked my phone. Still nothing. 
I had no way to get a hold of him to even spark interest if there wasn't much there for him yet. He didn't have a Facebook or anything.
Finally around noon there were pictures posted on the mom's Facebook page; there had been 3 pictures of us taken together; one where he put his arm around my shoulder, another we were smiling in the shade and another I noticed of us in the background laughing in conversation. It was a reminder to myself that it was in fact a good day and he genuinely appeared to like me. Right around the time I had noticed the photos posted, I get a text. :)
It was around 2:30 in the afternoon the day after we had met. My first response to him was an attempt to be light and flirty with, "What took you so long? ;)"
Soon after, we made plans to have dinner this week and go to a country music festival which is being held locally this Saturday. 
I am really hoping that this one lasts longer than 2 dates....
The fact he doesn't have a Facebook or Instagram is appealing to me. It takes me off the grid totally and allows for an actual "get to know you" session on our first date. I know very little about him still and can't "stalk" to get any insight into his personal life. I think this will make things more old fashioned and genuine. I am excited as I haven't had this since high school! With all the internet dating and Facebook stalking that goes on these days, I am really looking forward to just dating. Going off the grid is working for me so far, let's see where things go from here.


UPDATE: I met Mr. Malibou on a Wednesday evening after work. It took some digging for me to get him to open up as he was so quiet and reserved. I asked a bunch of questions and sort of felt like an interviewer digging for more than one word answers. He didn't take the reigns in anything during the date. When he arrived, I had been there about 10 minutes already. (He was late due to the hockey game on). I was sipping on a latte and asked him if he wanted to get something to drink. I was about done and wanted to switch over to a glass of wine. (We had planned on meeting for wine and a bite to eat.) He didnt' really say yes or no when I asked if he wanted something to drink but took it upon myself to walk him over to the inside portion of the restaurant where you order. I tried to make light conversation and ask about his wine preferences while he looked at the menu. He gave me nothing. I made small talk with the server behind the counter and asked her how to pronounce one I was looking at. Mr. Malibou seemed uninterested in my ability to whimsically converse with strangers. I chose a wine as did he and while he pulled out his wallet he finally uttered words. "I got it, don't worry". Since I apparently looked "worried" that he wouldn't cover the $8?
He didn't ask if I was hungry or anything the duration of our date. I was, but didn't say anything after he had told me he was living off unemployment and tried not to spend much money. Yet another 30+ living rent free with mom and dad, oh boy!


The scenery at the facility was very beautiful and I was hoping to get to walk around a little and make whitty, fun, light, flirty conversation much like we had at the party. This was not the case.
Mr. Malibou took the first table he saw right outside the busy doors of the restaurant and while I sat down, Mr. Malibou moved his seat further from mine and made a comment about the location being a gas station; an odd comment I thought, but I went with it since he was finally talking.
I know people enjoy talking about themselves, more so then hearing someone else ramble about theirs so I tried asking about him in many ways about his day first then about family, friends, hobbies etc. It wasn't until we got to his gluten free life and modified foods that he really opened up. Come to find out, he believes in conspiracy theories regarding the government modifying foods and poisoning us, even that the government can control the weather and our moods using chem trails. It was really interesting listening to him go on and on; I am not sure I believe in an of it but he seemed so passionate that I again went with it. We went an entire 2 hours without him asking a single thing about myself. We had talked about taking his parents electric boat out on the lake sometime and also made plans to go to a music festival on Saturday together. 11pm was approaching and it was time to leave finally. He asked if he could walk me to my car and when we got to it, he leaned in for a sweet, gentle peck on the lips. With that we shared giggly smiles as we both got into our respective vehicles. It was a nice ending to the date. When I got home, I texted him to let him know I had a nice evening. He responded with the same.
I didn't hear from him at all the following day.
The day after that, I texted to finalize plans for Saturday, simply asking "Are you still interested in going with me to the festival tomorrow? ;) ", thinking I would get an astounding "YES!" back from him. Instead what I received was, "I'm sorry. I'm no longer interested. It was nice meeting you."
What?
What could have happened between the nice peck and flirty smiles and my follow up text?
What I really wanted to do was ask him what had happened. Instead, I am left to wonder why.


I was finally looking past some of my past deal breakers to give a nice guy a shot and I get shot down. My fortune cookie today said "Your Love Life Will Be Happy And Harmonious" ...wish it said when because it is anything but right now!

All Or Nothing? 6/1/14: Mr. Wine Country

By now you know I am looking for the real deal. I am not dating to just hookup or play games. However, it seems that all I find are the guys who are looking for just a hookup or to "have fun" OR the guys who practically propose on a first date.
Does it have to be ALL OR NOTHING?

I met a guy while wine tasting last weekend; he was a designated driver with a company I had tried to book a week prior to no avail. While being drivin from winary to winery by aother company's driver, Mr. Wine Country jumped out of the car he was driving to take my friend and I's photo by the grapevines when he saw us taking selfies. He introduced himself and was VERY personable and outgoing. I recognized the name of his company and told him I thought I had his number in my phone. He told me to use it later that night so he could meet up with us.
While we were way too exhausted to go out after a full day of wine tasting, I did text him and he planned on meeting up in the morning before we left town.
He kept to his word and drove out to meet us for breakfast at our Inn. He was again very nice and knowledgeable about the Wine Country, wine making, good restaurants etc. in the area, which I expected in his line of work. I learned a little about him and what I heard I was liking. We texted all the way home. I was learning more and more and the more distance that seperated us, the more I realized he may have just been a birthday ego boost find and nothing more.

He was 41, was trying to apply to schools to go back for his BS, lived at home with his mother up in Wine Country; only drove on the weekends for extra cash and picked up odd/end jobs doing construction when he could. Never married, no kids and had a dream to start a small restuarant in Malibu and make his own wine. He was upfront about wanting a relationship with me and had a 3 year plan before he would be able to even think about possibly moving to my area.  He wanted to skip the dating and go straight to marriage. He was already talking about me moving up North to be closer to him while he went to school.

While I really like the enthusiasm, it is a red flag to me. I want someone who is into me a lot but so soon after meeting is a bit scary.

I am not ready to jump into a long distance relationship and definitely not ready to move for any man after meeting twice.

I drove up to Santa Barbara to meet him for a lovely date but after learning he has no money for gas to come down to meet me further, I don't think this will turn into a relationship. When he told me I had to call him because his data plan was used up for the month, it sort of sealed the deal for me. I don't need a rich man but I am used to a certain lifestyle and I have realized I have outgrown the lifestyle of my youth. If I am to go older by 9 years, he needs to be at my financial level at the very least. I do not want a forever student that I have to take care of financially. I don't want a man I can't text because he can't afford a better phone plan. I don't want a man that I have to drive 2 hours to see because he doesn't have the gas money to drive to see me.

While Mr. Wine Country may be a great success in 3+ years, at this point in my life I don't have the time to gamble on a maybe. I've gambled on men with the same name too many times now; I should know better than to wait around and hope.