In Between

I am really great at being single.
I can do first and 2nd dates like a world class champion.
Once I am in a relationship I am the BEST girlfriend and that one time I was married, I slayed that wife shit!
What I don't do well is the in between.
Once I actually like a guy, and he likes me but it isn't anything official. After the first 3 dates and before it is exclusive but you know neither are dating anyone else either...the in between.

The in between is new to me.
When you were younger, you like a guy and he likes you, he is your boyfriend. It's always been that way for me. Since I've been single as an adult there is this new in between stage. It's taken me a long time to get to this point and I feel like I am messing it up! I like the security of a relationship. Knowing. I figure if you both like each other, give it a go, right? Well I guess some people dont want to jump into a relationship these days; they've been hurt before or whatever...we all have, but I know I've been on a lot of first dates and haven't liked anyone enough to even get to a third date in a very long time. If I find someone I am excited to see after a 2nd date, I want to jump head first and give it my all.

In an effort to not screw things up, I blog or text my bff in order to not text him. There is a "play it cool" phase now and I suck at it! I lay all my emotions out as I can't hold anything back and I feel I lay the pressure on thick and it might scare away a great potential.It's a fine line between showing interest and scaring off! I evidently have terrible balance. Luckily, I've found a potential that isn't afraid to tell me I am being ridiculous, which is what I need. I don't always have girly melt downs but when I do, he knows exactly how to humorously put me in my place and remind me that we are on the same page and things are good and going in the right direction. I have to take it slow in order to make it last and when I get lonely I just have to remind myself that this is how you do the in between and it will eventually get better; the in between doesn't last that long, I can get through this. I just get so excited to actually start my life (ie: boyfriend to fiance to husband then kids...) that I want to get started if I feel confident about the guy and our connection. I've only felt this way two other times; one I married and the other i was in a 8+ year relationship! I have good instincts when it comes to these things but the guy never wants to believe me. LOL

I wanna be THAT girl!

When I am usually referring to "THAT GIRL" I am generally referring to the annoying, screechy,  fake boobed barbie girl that fake tans and drinks cranberry vodkas or AMFs. I never thought I'd utter or write the words "I wanna be THAT girl" but in this case it's different....

How does one become the kind of girl that makes the guy WANT to be in a relationship? What do THOSE girls have that I don't? Is there a certain quality about me (or lack of quality) that makes me just the fun chick to hang with rather than the "I didn't know what I was missing before I met you" kind of girl? 

I tend to be the girl right before the guy meets "the one"; he hangs with me and has fun but never wants to label the relationship. Just wants to "hang" and "have fun". We end up fizzling out quietly and the next girl he meets changes his mind about relationships and he jumps head first into a Facebook Official "thing".

So I am asking, "Why not me"? Why do I always attract the non-commital types? The ones who are "busy with work right now" or "just out of a relationship and don't want to jump into another". The "I'm not looking for anything serious", "Let's just hang out and see where it goes", "I have plans for the next 3 weekends, I'll hook-up with you when I get back"or "I don't really have time for a girlfriend" guys....

I want to be the girl that changes a guys' mind about relationships and if I am "so awesome" and "fun" and "witty", "gorgeous", "smart", "talented", etc. etc. as I always hear from these guys, why am I NOT that girl? If there is chemistry, humor and hobbies in common, I don't understand why I wouldn't be THAT girl. What takes it from a casual "let's just let it play out" hang out occasionally thing into a full fledged relationship?

Back in the day, you like a guy and he likes you, you date. The end. He is your boyfriend until you decide he isn't anymore. There isn't a probation period where he gets to date you and gets all the perks without any of the commitment. This isn't a temp to hire position; there isn't (or shouldnt) be a trial run. I like to give one guy my 100% and it is hard to do when he is only giving 20% at most until he decides to be all in; but what is the incentive for him to be all in if I am giving him all I have? At the same time, if I don't give him all I have to offer, why would he want to be all in? I'm tellin' you; dating these days is just down right BANANAS! 

What special diet, regiment or procedure do I have to under take to become THAT GIRL just once?!!?