After a yoga class I went with a friend over to a nearby restaurant where he was meeting a group of friends for one their mom's birthdays. I was fresh out of a yoga workout class, so I was not "ready" to meet anyone special.
Sipping on water, I had decided to only stay for a half hour before making my way home. Once my friends friends' starting showing up, I quickly decided to stay a little longer. His group had several single guys in the midst and one caught my eye. While it wasn't immediate, he did end up coming over to say hello once my friend introduced us. Turned out he was indeed single, 35, employed and goes to church. I found him very attractive. Before leaving for the evening, he asked for my number and I plugged it into his phone. He walked me to my car before returning to the party and before he turned to leave he kissed me.
It was a good night.
He seemed to like me even though I hadn't gotten made up or changed my clothes; I had been upfront with the conversation and what I was looking for. I hadn't beaten around the bush or tried to play any games and I asked him for the same from the very beginning. We were on the same page....
He texted me the next evening and I had been flirty and charming in response. He hadn't asked me on a date yet at this point so I started to wonder but didn't make my desperation apparent to him. I let it go and went about my life.
The following day I was out with friends when he called. We were all hanging out at this outdoor venue playing bocce ball and sipping on wine so I invited him over. He was just down the street at his parents' home watching his niece. About a half hour later he was joining my friends and myself with his niece. It was a lovely afternoon! He was very good with the children that we were hanging out with and got along with my friends.
Once my friends left, I was alone with Mr. Bow and his niece. They invited me back to his parents' home where he was also house sitting and I obliged. I drove myself over to the house and we chatted and all went in the Jacuzzi. I felt it was a safe environment to do so since his nice was there. She was an adorable pre-teen firecracker that I loved immediately. Once she went to bed, Mr. Bow and I continued our conversations and still seemed to be on the same page.
Since I had been so upfront and honest from the start, I felt comfortable and safe with him already. We bonded over both being divorced and how much dating sucked. We discussed why our relationships had ended and I was very upfront with him. I told him I was ready for marriage and kids and once I found the right guy I'd like all of that sooner rather than later. I told him how I felt about dating and the painful process of finding Mr. Right...he seemed to agree with me on all terms and there was no sign of him getting scared away. He was charming and sweet and fun. I thought this would be the start of something pretty amazing.
I didn't want to romanticize the night too much, afterall this was only the first time we had hung out and it wasn't even alone. I asked him to take me on a proper date in the near future and he said he was mine for at the very least the next month as he had plans in his head already of all the places he wanted to take me. I gave in that night. I let my needs and wants take over me and made myself believe there was no way this would or could be a one night stand; he was too into me and agreed on all that I told him I was looking for. We were on the same page afterall!
Perhaps the same page but in the light of the next few days it seemed the page had invisible ink on it revealing his actual intentions.
When I didn't hear from him the following day, I texted in the late evening. Still in my clouded, naïve head he was still a great guy. Perhaps just busy, so I made the effort to reach out first. I was still glowing and happy bursting with ideas of all the possibilities. All my thoughts were crushed the moment he wrote back to me..He wrote "I have to be honest before things get too far....I know your marriage ended because he didn't want children and I also don't want any".
He knew from the start how important that was to me. Why wouldn't he speak up then? Why would he kiss me if all along he knew we didn't want the same things out of life? Why would he meet my friends, allow me to meet his niece and bond with her, why would he take advantage of me and my dreams the way he did?
Because he is a man and men just want what they want when they want it.
My faith is shaking.
Just when I think I found a nice guy and let my guard down life has a funny way of making the jaded even more jaded. Trusting people is not something that comes naturally to me and when someone purposefully uses me it does not sit well with me. I try to love as if I've never been hurt and that is getting harder and harder to do.
July 29, 2014
July 15, 2014
Self Worth
This isn't a dating entry but more importantly a SELF WORTH entry.
This past weekend I was I in the land of beautiful, "perfect" people or also known as Hermosa Beach, CA. It seemed that everyone there was early to late 20's with rock hard bodies, perfect tans, flowey healthy hair and white teeth. Everyone looked well rehearsed in the art of having a good time. Their outward appearance matched what I felt on the inside about my own life in the comfort of "the Bubble". I generally feel good about my life, myself and choices but this place made me question everything I knew.
I was attacked verbally and emotionally by a female while I was out with 2 of my guy friends for the evening, at a bar. I didn't think females did this type of emotional attacking past high school age. My guard was down as I've come to trust the female species as a sort of alliance against harmful body image and generic tearing down from all the world has to offer an adult woman. I wasn't prepared or expecting the evening to result in a near emotional break down and I wanted to take a moment to tell you of my experience in hopes that someone somewhere may read it and relate and maybe pass on so that we can finally end bullying; it doesn't end in grade school or high school. There are adult bullies out there and it needs to STOP. Life is hard enough!
Entering the bar in the land of beautiful people, my 2 guy friends sat down next to a group of 3 females. Being on my own at this point, I head to the bar to grab a beer for myself. I am already feeling self conscious since my guy friends hadn't wasted any time at all and had left me to fly on my own for the night before I was really ready.
I look around for someone to make friends with but everyone was already coupled up or deep into drinking games, so I head back out to the patio where I had left my friends with the 3 females. The guys motion for me to come over and introduce me. I am pleasant and sit on the chair opposite the 3 females to make small talk. Something I personally dread but I do it for my friends and I am secretly proud of myself for being so nice to these girls who I had gotten a bad gut feeling about in the beginning. They act fake nice to me and ask me to sit with them on the bench; I decline and explain I get chlosterphobic, plus I like having an easy exit just in case I spot someone I want to chat it up with. We share some laughs and conversation and when my 2 guy friends choose one female each from the 3, the 3rd calls over a group of guys sitting nearby. The group of guys joins us by pushing tables together and we all start talking. Almost instantly, the girl starts attacking me. It started with where I lived. The men had asked where we were from and when I said Thousand Oaks, she started talking about how terrible, awful, ugly Thousand Oaks was. When I try to defend my hometown I find myself getting angry. I finally ask "Have you ever Been to Thousand Oaks?" because it didn't sound like she knew it at all....turned out she hadn't but her reply was more than that, it started getting personal and ugly! "No, but they obviously like to eat there, and I don't like fat people" while she looked me up and down. She continued with snide remarks while smiling and calling me "sweetie" as if trying to hide her digs. I have not been so insulted as an adult, ever. I was so embarrassed by her and for her! I WAS having a pleasant conversation with the guys next to us but it just became her jabbing at me. She didn't know me at all but she felt that breaking me down would build herself up to these guys, I think? This women felt the need to personally attack me and make not only myself but the guys we were talking to as well so uncomfortable!
If she had been young and drunk I may have let it roll off my back a little more and chalked it up to high school mentality still playing a role but she didn't look a day under 35. She was without ring, so on the prowl and possibly jealous that I was chatting it up with possibly a guy she wanted? It almost always comes down to a boy, right? At least that was my experience in high school....
I am not a size 2. Never have been , never will be...but I am also not 200lbs. I am healthy, I have curves and I am self conscious about them because of women like the one I met and had this encounter with. I allowed her words and her smug smile get to me, deep inside where all my insecurities already live and allowed her to pierce through my thick skin releasing feelings I try really hard to keep at bay everyday. There is already so much in the media about 'SKINNY IS BEAUTIFUL', it is already hard to date when men are expecting magazine models and as women we need to lift each other up, not tear down! It is ridicules when just a few sentences can break down an otherwise strong, (mostly) confident woman.
As adults, we all know life is difficult at best; let's work together and not against one another. Let's use the tools we all learned as children, 'Treat others the way you'd like to be treated", "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all", "Help your neighbor"....
If my girls had been out with me instead of 2 guy friends, this woman would have ended up in the hospital for sure. My guy friends were clueless and didn't hear what she was saying to me; they only saw her smiling and when I told them what was actually happening, they didn't believe me. Finally one of them started to pay attention and as soon as she made another nasty remark to me he got up and took me with him saying, "Enough!". It was almost like I was in shock and couldn't move myself...I just kept looking at her saying "Really? Are you actually saying these things right now?!" I think at one point I did tell her I would love nothing more then to sock her in her ugly face but that I didn't feel like spending the night in jail...
I have surrounded myself with such good hearted amazing people that I forgot people were that ugly on the inside! This just proved that while you can be a size 2 on the outside and make yourself up to look pretty, on the inside you can still be as ugly as a troll. That is what this woman was and I was glad to witness it hindering her that night; the guys that were sitting next to us saw how ugly she really was and left the same time we did.
We really need to stop the Beauty Madness and realize everyone is beautiful in their own way. Do not tear down but rather build up those around you; whether you know them or not! Everyone has a story to tell and insecurities deep inside. Treat others the way you'd want to be treated and LADIES, CAN WE PLEASE STICK TOGETHER in this crazy world? We are ALL insecure about SOMETHING; Don't bully!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/08/stop-the-beauty-madness_n_5566885.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
This past weekend I was I in the land of beautiful, "perfect" people or also known as Hermosa Beach, CA. It seemed that everyone there was early to late 20's with rock hard bodies, perfect tans, flowey healthy hair and white teeth. Everyone looked well rehearsed in the art of having a good time. Their outward appearance matched what I felt on the inside about my own life in the comfort of "the Bubble". I generally feel good about my life, myself and choices but this place made me question everything I knew.
I was attacked verbally and emotionally by a female while I was out with 2 of my guy friends for the evening, at a bar. I didn't think females did this type of emotional attacking past high school age. My guard was down as I've come to trust the female species as a sort of alliance against harmful body image and generic tearing down from all the world has to offer an adult woman. I wasn't prepared or expecting the evening to result in a near emotional break down and I wanted to take a moment to tell you of my experience in hopes that someone somewhere may read it and relate and maybe pass on so that we can finally end bullying; it doesn't end in grade school or high school. There are adult bullies out there and it needs to STOP. Life is hard enough!
Entering the bar in the land of beautiful people, my 2 guy friends sat down next to a group of 3 females. Being on my own at this point, I head to the bar to grab a beer for myself. I am already feeling self conscious since my guy friends hadn't wasted any time at all and had left me to fly on my own for the night before I was really ready.
I look around for someone to make friends with but everyone was already coupled up or deep into drinking games, so I head back out to the patio where I had left my friends with the 3 females. The guys motion for me to come over and introduce me. I am pleasant and sit on the chair opposite the 3 females to make small talk. Something I personally dread but I do it for my friends and I am secretly proud of myself for being so nice to these girls who I had gotten a bad gut feeling about in the beginning. They act fake nice to me and ask me to sit with them on the bench; I decline and explain I get chlosterphobic, plus I like having an easy exit just in case I spot someone I want to chat it up with. We share some laughs and conversation and when my 2 guy friends choose one female each from the 3, the 3rd calls over a group of guys sitting nearby. The group of guys joins us by pushing tables together and we all start talking. Almost instantly, the girl starts attacking me. It started with where I lived. The men had asked where we were from and when I said Thousand Oaks, she started talking about how terrible, awful, ugly Thousand Oaks was. When I try to defend my hometown I find myself getting angry. I finally ask "Have you ever Been to Thousand Oaks?" because it didn't sound like she knew it at all....turned out she hadn't but her reply was more than that, it started getting personal and ugly! "No, but they obviously like to eat there, and I don't like fat people" while she looked me up and down. She continued with snide remarks while smiling and calling me "sweetie" as if trying to hide her digs. I have not been so insulted as an adult, ever. I was so embarrassed by her and for her! I WAS having a pleasant conversation with the guys next to us but it just became her jabbing at me. She didn't know me at all but she felt that breaking me down would build herself up to these guys, I think? This women felt the need to personally attack me and make not only myself but the guys we were talking to as well so uncomfortable!
If she had been young and drunk I may have let it roll off my back a little more and chalked it up to high school mentality still playing a role but she didn't look a day under 35. She was without ring, so on the prowl and possibly jealous that I was chatting it up with possibly a guy she wanted? It almost always comes down to a boy, right? At least that was my experience in high school....
I am not a size 2. Never have been , never will be...but I am also not 200lbs. I am healthy, I have curves and I am self conscious about them because of women like the one I met and had this encounter with. I allowed her words and her smug smile get to me, deep inside where all my insecurities already live and allowed her to pierce through my thick skin releasing feelings I try really hard to keep at bay everyday. There is already so much in the media about 'SKINNY IS BEAUTIFUL', it is already hard to date when men are expecting magazine models and as women we need to lift each other up, not tear down! It is ridicules when just a few sentences can break down an otherwise strong, (mostly) confident woman.
As adults, we all know life is difficult at best; let's work together and not against one another. Let's use the tools we all learned as children, 'Treat others the way you'd like to be treated", "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all", "Help your neighbor"....
If my girls had been out with me instead of 2 guy friends, this woman would have ended up in the hospital for sure. My guy friends were clueless and didn't hear what she was saying to me; they only saw her smiling and when I told them what was actually happening, they didn't believe me. Finally one of them started to pay attention and as soon as she made another nasty remark to me he got up and took me with him saying, "Enough!". It was almost like I was in shock and couldn't move myself...I just kept looking at her saying "Really? Are you actually saying these things right now?!" I think at one point I did tell her I would love nothing more then to sock her in her ugly face but that I didn't feel like spending the night in jail...
I have surrounded myself with such good hearted amazing people that I forgot people were that ugly on the inside! This just proved that while you can be a size 2 on the outside and make yourself up to look pretty, on the inside you can still be as ugly as a troll. That is what this woman was and I was glad to witness it hindering her that night; the guys that were sitting next to us saw how ugly she really was and left the same time we did.
We really need to stop the Beauty Madness and realize everyone is beautiful in their own way. Do not tear down but rather build up those around you; whether you know them or not! Everyone has a story to tell and insecurities deep inside. Treat others the way you'd want to be treated and LADIES, CAN WE PLEASE STICK TOGETHER in this crazy world? We are ALL insecure about SOMETHING; Don't bully!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/08/stop-the-beauty-madness_n_5566885.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
July 8, 2014
Why Are You Still Single?
I get this question from everyone!
Best Friends, Parents (both mine and others), Grandparents (again, both mine and others'), New People I meet, everyone! Anyone that spends more than 5 minutes in my presence and finds out that I am still single asks the dreaded question, "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?"
Well first, let me say that if I knew the answer I probably wouldn't be single. Secondly, I know you mean well and all but this is a back handed compliment. I get that you think I am great, awesome, amazing, a fantastic catch and all but it also implicates that there is something wrong with me, not to mention reminds me that I am still single! We were just having a great time at the BBQ and I wasn't feeling lonely among all my friends here but then you asked me that and now all I can think of is how unbelievably single I am and how hard it is to find a good man. With 5 little words you have managed to (without knowing it) ruin my day. I will put on a happy face though and you will never know it but to all those happily married/engaged/dating people out there with AMAZING single friends, I will try to answer the "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE" question so you don't have to ruin any more days!
I am 32. I am an attractive single, successful, creative female with many talents and a desire to be wife and mother. I am not the jealous type nor am I needy or a gold digger. I have ex's who would stand up for my awesomeness as a girlfriend if asked. I have an amazing family and fantastic group of friends. I have a great sense of humor, can cook, dance, tell time on a non digital clock even! I have life experience, can hold a conversation with anyone and can speak fluent wit and sarcasm. I hold my own hanging with the boys and playing bar games and can work a red carpet like nobody's business. I enjoy hiking and doing work around the house. I am a people pleaser and will help anyone in need if I can. I don't have any weird additional phalange or weird dark mole on my face. I take care of myself and eat well. I wear appropriate makeup and have fashion and common sense. I am computer literate (obviously), easy going and fancy myself to be a great catch. So why am I still single?
Here is a list I've compiled to answer that question (to the best of my ability), to anyone wondering...
1. There is too many options available to men these days
In the world of www I am finding that there are too many women looking for attention on the internet and have turned to internet/app dating making it so easy for the male species to chat and hook up with those easier than myself.
2. I am picky and not willing to "settle"
While I have a list of deal-breakers, I have over time honed in on exactly what it is I am looking for in a man. Reality is, I haven't found him yet because I don't think men my age were raised correctly for what I want! I have an amazing role model (my step-dad), and will not settle for anything less than what I deserve.
3. Men prefer younger, skinnier model types
Cheeky, sexual images spread across commercials, tv, movies etc. has put a false sense of beauty into the minds of men. While I am photogenic and attractive, I am not a size 2 20 year old. I have hips and curves and being 32, a few wrinkles. Guys that are single and my age have already traded in their peers for the younger models that more resemble the "beauty standard". For those that say REAL MEN prefer a woman with curves, I ask you WHERE ARE THESE REAL MEN? Even if I find one who likes my curves, he just wants to use me as a play thing and nothing more. If I am not willing, he moves right along to the next girl in line. (see #1)
4. I don't waste my time
If I date someone and realize a few weeks in that it isn't right for a long term relationship, I don't stick it out and wait and see. I am not 20 and I don't have time to wait around and see if it might change. People don't change. If I see something in you that makes me think you would be a terrible husband or father, I end it. Many date to just have fun, but that isn't me. My goal in dating is to find my life long partner. While I keep it light at the beginning, my intentions are always just under the surface. I can't waste my time and get sucked into a relationship that I know won't work long term.
5. I am too sexy
Or at least that is what I am told. I don't do it intentionally; I don't like that sort of attention but I guess I exude sexuality and men think of me just as a sexual toy and nothing more. They want a physical relationship but could care less who I actually am, what I like, etc. Just when I think a guy is actually interested in ME I find out he isn't.
6. Guys don't want to settle down
Even when in a relationship for YEARS, it always ends because the men are afraid to grow up. They don't want to settle down, get married and have kids. There is too much they want to "do" before they will be "ready". This really translates into "there are too many woman out there I haven't F#$%ed" or that some men are really just too afraid to be men and grow up. I'm a good girl and in this day & age, that is a disadvantage it seems!
7....And the men who want what I want, already have it!
If a good guy wants to settle down and have kids, by the age of 32 he already has. He is already living the life I want with his beautiful wife. I have to either wait for his marriage to fall apart and his divorce to be finalized (by which point he is no longer the good guy and now just another jaded man in the dating pool), or I have to move to Seattle, Minnesota or Oregon to meet his brother who is not as attractive, successful or kid friendly.
8. I don't think I am dumb enough
Granted there are beautiful children in this world that were not planned and things worked out between a large majority of men/woman who are together and happy now due to the children they had while casually dating one another...but I think I am too smart at this age to fall into a situation like that. I do not have casual sex and when I do engage in the physical act of love, I use protection. I don't want to have a "mistake" baby. I don't want to be connected to someone for the rest of my life unless I choose him for myself. If I don't choose him for myself, why would he be good enough for my future children? Sure, there are many days when I think I would wish for a "mistake" to happen but deep down I know I want to do it "right". Meet a man I fall in love with, marry and then have children...but my days feel numbered now and I am not sure I will ever get what I want. No one said life was fair; I've heard this my entire life!
While I am not dumb enough to get knocked up by mistake, I am also not dumb enough to fall for D-bag guys. There are plenty out there that will smooze and talk their way into a relationship only to turn around and cheat on you.
9. I have issues, but doesn't everyone?
I recently realized I have severe abandonment issues and while I try to not be a victim and I didn't even realize it caused me issues with dating;after hard examination of my behavior in new relationships that have started to form in the recent past, I have noticed some harmful patterns emerge due to my issues. I have a wall up and while it may appear that I let people in easily, I test them. I push and pull to make them prove to me that they want me for me and will put up a fight to keep me. So far I haven't found a man who can pass.
10. It's all or nothing with the men I find.
The guy either wants nothing to do with a serious relationship and just wants to hook up or he wants to get married to me like, yesterday! I need something in between. Firstly I need to feel a connection with someone which I haven't found in the last year or so! Secondly I need to know he wants me for me and sees a future. Thirdly, I'd like to marry within the next couple of years but I also want to know who I am marrying! I'd like to enjoy dating for awhile and then enjoy being engaged before walking down an aisle.
11. I live in the suburbs and good single men are hard to find!
I work a full time job, have great friends and family that keep me busy so unless someone falls into my lap, I am not really out searching. The people I may run into at the grocery store are 99% more likely to me married or taken, so that option is not one to bank on.
12. Almost All my friends are married.
My friends have to have someone to set me up with, right? Wrong. Marrieds tend to hang with other marrieds. It is rare that a single hangs out with a bunch of couples but I do and they don't have anyone they'd want to set me up with. I have however gotten the other dreaded "compliment", "You're too good for him" when someone actually does come to their mind. I get that you think so but I can be shitty. This statement makes me think you're being condescending and you just don't want them to end up with me.
The few single friends I do still have are going through similar struggles as me but are all a few years younger and wouldn't give up a good guy if they met one, even if they were already seeing someone.
So there you have it. 12 reasons that I can think of to answer the question "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?"
Best Friends, Parents (both mine and others), Grandparents (again, both mine and others'), New People I meet, everyone! Anyone that spends more than 5 minutes in my presence and finds out that I am still single asks the dreaded question, "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?"
Well first, let me say that if I knew the answer I probably wouldn't be single. Secondly, I know you mean well and all but this is a back handed compliment. I get that you think I am great, awesome, amazing, a fantastic catch and all but it also implicates that there is something wrong with me, not to mention reminds me that I am still single! We were just having a great time at the BBQ and I wasn't feeling lonely among all my friends here but then you asked me that and now all I can think of is how unbelievably single I am and how hard it is to find a good man. With 5 little words you have managed to (without knowing it) ruin my day. I will put on a happy face though and you will never know it but to all those happily married/engaged/dating people out there with AMAZING single friends, I will try to answer the "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE" question so you don't have to ruin any more days!
I am 32. I am an attractive single, successful, creative female with many talents and a desire to be wife and mother. I am not the jealous type nor am I needy or a gold digger. I have ex's who would stand up for my awesomeness as a girlfriend if asked. I have an amazing family and fantastic group of friends. I have a great sense of humor, can cook, dance, tell time on a non digital clock even! I have life experience, can hold a conversation with anyone and can speak fluent wit and sarcasm. I hold my own hanging with the boys and playing bar games and can work a red carpet like nobody's business. I enjoy hiking and doing work around the house. I am a people pleaser and will help anyone in need if I can. I don't have any weird additional phalange or weird dark mole on my face. I take care of myself and eat well. I wear appropriate makeup and have fashion and common sense. I am computer literate (obviously), easy going and fancy myself to be a great catch. So why am I still single?
Here is a list I've compiled to answer that question (to the best of my ability), to anyone wondering...
1. There is too many options available to men these days
In the world of www I am finding that there are too many women looking for attention on the internet and have turned to internet/app dating making it so easy for the male species to chat and hook up with those easier than myself.
2. I am picky and not willing to "settle"
While I have a list of deal-breakers, I have over time honed in on exactly what it is I am looking for in a man. Reality is, I haven't found him yet because I don't think men my age were raised correctly for what I want! I have an amazing role model (my step-dad), and will not settle for anything less than what I deserve.
3. Men prefer younger, skinnier model types
Cheeky, sexual images spread across commercials, tv, movies etc. has put a false sense of beauty into the minds of men. While I am photogenic and attractive, I am not a size 2 20 year old. I have hips and curves and being 32, a few wrinkles. Guys that are single and my age have already traded in their peers for the younger models that more resemble the "beauty standard". For those that say REAL MEN prefer a woman with curves, I ask you WHERE ARE THESE REAL MEN? Even if I find one who likes my curves, he just wants to use me as a play thing and nothing more. If I am not willing, he moves right along to the next girl in line. (see #1)
4. I don't waste my time
If I date someone and realize a few weeks in that it isn't right for a long term relationship, I don't stick it out and wait and see. I am not 20 and I don't have time to wait around and see if it might change. People don't change. If I see something in you that makes me think you would be a terrible husband or father, I end it. Many date to just have fun, but that isn't me. My goal in dating is to find my life long partner. While I keep it light at the beginning, my intentions are always just under the surface. I can't waste my time and get sucked into a relationship that I know won't work long term.
5. I am too sexy
Or at least that is what I am told. I don't do it intentionally; I don't like that sort of attention but I guess I exude sexuality and men think of me just as a sexual toy and nothing more. They want a physical relationship but could care less who I actually am, what I like, etc. Just when I think a guy is actually interested in ME I find out he isn't.
6. Guys don't want to settle down
Even when in a relationship for YEARS, it always ends because the men are afraid to grow up. They don't want to settle down, get married and have kids. There is too much they want to "do" before they will be "ready". This really translates into "there are too many woman out there I haven't F#$%ed" or that some men are really just too afraid to be men and grow up. I'm a good girl and in this day & age, that is a disadvantage it seems!
7....And the men who want what I want, already have it!
If a good guy wants to settle down and have kids, by the age of 32 he already has. He is already living the life I want with his beautiful wife. I have to either wait for his marriage to fall apart and his divorce to be finalized (by which point he is no longer the good guy and now just another jaded man in the dating pool), or I have to move to Seattle, Minnesota or Oregon to meet his brother who is not as attractive, successful or kid friendly.
8. I don't think I am dumb enough
Granted there are beautiful children in this world that were not planned and things worked out between a large majority of men/woman who are together and happy now due to the children they had while casually dating one another...but I think I am too smart at this age to fall into a situation like that. I do not have casual sex and when I do engage in the physical act of love, I use protection. I don't want to have a "mistake" baby. I don't want to be connected to someone for the rest of my life unless I choose him for myself. If I don't choose him for myself, why would he be good enough for my future children? Sure, there are many days when I think I would wish for a "mistake" to happen but deep down I know I want to do it "right". Meet a man I fall in love with, marry and then have children...but my days feel numbered now and I am not sure I will ever get what I want. No one said life was fair; I've heard this my entire life!
While I am not dumb enough to get knocked up by mistake, I am also not dumb enough to fall for D-bag guys. There are plenty out there that will smooze and talk their way into a relationship only to turn around and cheat on you.
9. I have issues, but doesn't everyone?
I recently realized I have severe abandonment issues and while I try to not be a victim and I didn't even realize it caused me issues with dating;after hard examination of my behavior in new relationships that have started to form in the recent past, I have noticed some harmful patterns emerge due to my issues. I have a wall up and while it may appear that I let people in easily, I test them. I push and pull to make them prove to me that they want me for me and will put up a fight to keep me. So far I haven't found a man who can pass.
10. It's all or nothing with the men I find.
The guy either wants nothing to do with a serious relationship and just wants to hook up or he wants to get married to me like, yesterday! I need something in between. Firstly I need to feel a connection with someone which I haven't found in the last year or so! Secondly I need to know he wants me for me and sees a future. Thirdly, I'd like to marry within the next couple of years but I also want to know who I am marrying! I'd like to enjoy dating for awhile and then enjoy being engaged before walking down an aisle.
11. I live in the suburbs and good single men are hard to find!
I work a full time job, have great friends and family that keep me busy so unless someone falls into my lap, I am not really out searching. The people I may run into at the grocery store are 99% more likely to me married or taken, so that option is not one to bank on.
12. Almost All my friends are married.
My friends have to have someone to set me up with, right? Wrong. Marrieds tend to hang with other marrieds. It is rare that a single hangs out with a bunch of couples but I do and they don't have anyone they'd want to set me up with. I have however gotten the other dreaded "compliment", "You're too good for him" when someone actually does come to their mind. I get that you think so but I can be shitty. This statement makes me think you're being condescending and you just don't want them to end up with me.
The few single friends I do still have are going through similar struggles as me but are all a few years younger and wouldn't give up a good guy if they met one, even if they were already seeing someone.
So there you have it. 12 reasons that I can think of to answer the question "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?"
July 7, 2014
I'm Tired
I am tired of being the single person in my circles of friends.
I am tired of being added to my parents RSVP cards because I don't have a plus 1.
I am tired of being the permanent single and not even given a chance for a plus 1!
I am tired of being the one to get the couch instead of a bed because I don't have a cuddle buddy during trips/vacations/sleep overs.
I am tired of ordering 2 dinners for take out so I don't get the pity looks.
I am tired of getting the pity looks when I take myself out to eat and sit alone.
I am tired of not having my own plans and tail coating on friends' plans (being auto included).
I am tired of having groceries go bad before I can eat them because shopping as a single is TOUGH!
I am tired of not having anyone to cook for.
I am tired of going home to an empty place.
I am tired of killing my own spiders.
I am tired of feeling jealous of everyone else's babies/kids pics on FB/Instagram.
I am tired of feeling like I am running out of time.
I am tired of dating.
I am tired of people thinking I am a drunk slut just because I am still single.
I am tired of feeling like I'm not good enough and not feeling wanted (by any guy).
I am tired of not having someone to text throughout the day when I miss him.
I am tired of not having that special connection with someone.
I am tired of not having someone special to share experiences with.
I am tired of not having anyone to wear sexy underclothes for/shaving legs for.
I am tired of not having someone to get dressed up for.
I am tired of blogging.
I am tired of not having someone to argue with about stupid little things.
I am tired of having people assume I don't have plans for the weekend.
I am tired of not having someone to do brunch or dinners or wine tasting with (opposite sex).
I am tired of being in a funk.
I am tired of ex's contacting me to try and cheat on their girlfriends with me. (This has happened A LOT) ;You had your chance with me, now go be a real man and stay faithful to the girl you're with!
I am tired of not getting attention and compliments from a man who wants to be with only me.
I am tired of not having a Halloween partner for costumes.
I am tired of not having anyone to check in with.
I am tired of not having someone to pillow talk with.
I am tired of not having someone to miss when I am out with the girls.
I am tired of not having someone to fantasize about.
I am tired of having someone get slightly jealous when I accidently flirt with another man.
I am tired of not having a karaoke duet partner.
I am tired of being lonely.
I am tired of not having someone to vent to at any given moment.
I am tired of not having a crush.
I am tired of guys only contacting me for "booty calls" and nothing real!
I am tired of feeling like my life hasn't even begun yet.
I am tired of waiting.
I am tired of people assuming I don't know anything about being married or being a mom just because I'm not married and I don't have children of my own.
I am tired of not having a reason to rush home from work.
I am tired of not having someone to buy "just because" gifts for.
I am tired of hearing "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?"
I am tired of having too much free time.
I am tired of people being jealous that I am single and have so much free time. It's not as fun as you think.
I am tired of not having someone to give me a back rub/massage.
I am tired of the silence at home.
I am tired of feeling so emotional/depressed over being single.
I am tired of not having a man to force me to watch guy movies.
I am tired of not having anyone to take care of.
I am tired of being single.
I am tired of bringing my own jacket.
I am tired of not having a man to order fries so I can steal a few.
I am tired of having to find my own funny cat videos.
I am tired of being added to my parents RSVP cards because I don't have a plus 1.
I am tired of being the permanent single and not even given a chance for a plus 1!
I am tired of being the one to get the couch instead of a bed because I don't have a cuddle buddy during trips/vacations/sleep overs.
I am tired of ordering 2 dinners for take out so I don't get the pity looks.
I am tired of getting the pity looks when I take myself out to eat and sit alone.
I am tired of not having my own plans and tail coating on friends' plans (being auto included).
I am tired of having groceries go bad before I can eat them because shopping as a single is TOUGH!
I am tired of not having anyone to cook for.
I am tired of going home to an empty place.
I am tired of killing my own spiders.
I am tired of feeling jealous of everyone else's babies/kids pics on FB/Instagram.
I am tired of feeling like I am running out of time.
I am tired of dating.
I am tired of people thinking I am a drunk slut just because I am still single.
I am tired of feeling like I'm not good enough and not feeling wanted (by any guy).
I am tired of not having someone to text throughout the day when I miss him.
I am tired of not having that special connection with someone.
I am tired of not having someone special to share experiences with.
I am tired of not having anyone to wear sexy underclothes for/shaving legs for.
I am tired of not having someone to get dressed up for.
I am tired of blogging.
I am tired of not having someone to argue with about stupid little things.
I am tired of having people assume I don't have plans for the weekend.
I am tired of not having someone to do brunch or dinners or wine tasting with (opposite sex).
I am tired of being in a funk.
I am tired of ex's contacting me to try and cheat on their girlfriends with me. (This has happened A LOT) ;You had your chance with me, now go be a real man and stay faithful to the girl you're with!
I am tired of not getting attention and compliments from a man who wants to be with only me.
I am tired of not having a Halloween partner for costumes.
I am tired of not having anyone to check in with.
I am tired of not having someone to pillow talk with.
I am tired of not having someone to miss when I am out with the girls.
I am tired of not having someone to fantasize about.
I am tired of having someone get slightly jealous when I accidently flirt with another man.
I am tired of not having a karaoke duet partner.
I am tired of being lonely.
I am tired of not having someone to vent to at any given moment.
I am tired of not having a crush.
I am tired of guys only contacting me for "booty calls" and nothing real!
I am tired of feeling like my life hasn't even begun yet.
I am tired of waiting.
I am tired of people assuming I don't know anything about being married or being a mom just because I'm not married and I don't have children of my own.
I am tired of not having a reason to rush home from work.
I am tired of not having someone to buy "just because" gifts for.
I am tired of hearing "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?"
I am tired of having too much free time.
I am tired of people being jealous that I am single and have so much free time. It's not as fun as you think.
I am tired of not having someone to give me a back rub/massage.
I am tired of the silence at home.
I am tired of feeling so emotional/depressed over being single.
I am tired of not having a man to force me to watch guy movies.
I am tired of not having anyone to take care of.
I am tired of being single.
I am tired of bringing my own jacket.
I am tired of not having a man to order fries so I can steal a few.
I am tired of having to find my own funny cat videos.
July 3, 2014
Always TOO Something!
At this point in my dating "career" I realize that I am always TOO something. Too "fat", too "creative", too "needy", too "crazy", too "emotional", too "promiscuous", too "much baggage"...lately I am feeling too "old"!
The last couple of guys I've talked with are seeing MUCH younger girls. These guys are my age or older and they are dating 20-22 year olds! Is this really a thing already? I didn't expect to be pushed aside for a much younger woman until I was much older.
I can't compete with a 20-22 year old! Their bodies are still barley post puberty; still tight and toned and they don't have real jobs yet so they are all tan from being able to lay out all day!
What I really don't understand is the guys I WAS talking with admit that they have nothing in common with their much younger counterparts and that they drive them nuts with their stupidity and obsession. Then WHY ARE YOU WITH HER?
They tell me that I am "real" and "easy to talk to" and "sexy as hell"; then why don't you want to date me? Has it become uncool to date a smart, sexy, successful woman just because she is the same age as you or because she is a REAL size 8 and not a size 1? Has the dating pool really gotten THAT shallow? Or is it that the guys left in the pool are so afraid of commitment that they go for the woman who are equally not ready and won't possibly turn into anything real?
Why are the single men available so impossible to please?
If you are one of these 20-22 year old girls; why don't you play with the boys your own age who are also not looking for anything real? I had to deal with them then AND now, it's not fair. The men you are dating would be ready to settle down with the right girl but you are distracting him!
One of the guys I was talking to told me that if I was a "sure thing" he'd break it off with his 20 year old but wanted to hold onto her "just in case" it didn't work out between us.
That's not how I work.
If you want to date me, date me. But when you've been with a girl for 2 years (yup! since she was 18!), you can't just test drive me to see if we would be a good fit and then go back to her if we aren't. Guys already can't focus well In a relationship- put a 20 year old in his path and it's not even a fair shot.
Another trend I've been noticing is guys who are single and looking and as soon as you start to make a real connection, they disappear! Then you see some post on Facebook or on Instagram and you realize they recently got back together with their ex! What the hell?
What is it about guys leading on someone great and having what seems like an awesome connection, only to realize they want back with the girl they were slamming all night last week? Was it me? Did I saw something or do something that made you think "Damn, dating really sucks! I miss my ex"?
I know I am an amazing catch and I just haven't found a guy who is willing to actually take the time to get to know me because there are young girls throwing themselves at guys my age; do they think they have money or something? Little do they know, most still live at home with their parents, have mediocre at best jobs (if they aren't working the unemployment funds) and are just as childish as the guys your own age!
I guess I have no choice but to keep waiting for my prince...
This was not meant to be some insightful, profound post; just ranting and rambling on my most recent experiences in dating.
The last couple of guys I've talked with are seeing MUCH younger girls. These guys are my age or older and they are dating 20-22 year olds! Is this really a thing already? I didn't expect to be pushed aside for a much younger woman until I was much older.
I can't compete with a 20-22 year old! Their bodies are still barley post puberty; still tight and toned and they don't have real jobs yet so they are all tan from being able to lay out all day!
What I really don't understand is the guys I WAS talking with admit that they have nothing in common with their much younger counterparts and that they drive them nuts with their stupidity and obsession. Then WHY ARE YOU WITH HER?
They tell me that I am "real" and "easy to talk to" and "sexy as hell"; then why don't you want to date me? Has it become uncool to date a smart, sexy, successful woman just because she is the same age as you or because she is a REAL size 8 and not a size 1? Has the dating pool really gotten THAT shallow? Or is it that the guys left in the pool are so afraid of commitment that they go for the woman who are equally not ready and won't possibly turn into anything real?
Why are the single men available so impossible to please?
If you are one of these 20-22 year old girls; why don't you play with the boys your own age who are also not looking for anything real? I had to deal with them then AND now, it's not fair. The men you are dating would be ready to settle down with the right girl but you are distracting him!
One of the guys I was talking to told me that if I was a "sure thing" he'd break it off with his 20 year old but wanted to hold onto her "just in case" it didn't work out between us.
That's not how I work.
If you want to date me, date me. But when you've been with a girl for 2 years (yup! since she was 18!), you can't just test drive me to see if we would be a good fit and then go back to her if we aren't. Guys already can't focus well In a relationship- put a 20 year old in his path and it's not even a fair shot.
Another trend I've been noticing is guys who are single and looking and as soon as you start to make a real connection, they disappear! Then you see some post on Facebook or on Instagram and you realize they recently got back together with their ex! What the hell?
What is it about guys leading on someone great and having what seems like an awesome connection, only to realize they want back with the girl they were slamming all night last week? Was it me? Did I saw something or do something that made you think "Damn, dating really sucks! I miss my ex"?
I know I am an amazing catch and I just haven't found a guy who is willing to actually take the time to get to know me because there are young girls throwing themselves at guys my age; do they think they have money or something? Little do they know, most still live at home with their parents, have mediocre at best jobs (if they aren't working the unemployment funds) and are just as childish as the guys your own age!
I guess I have no choice but to keep waiting for my prince...
This was not meant to be some insightful, profound post; just ranting and rambling on my most recent experiences in dating.
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