After a yoga class I went with a friend over to a nearby restaurant where he was meeting a group of friends for one their mom's birthdays. I was fresh out of a yoga workout class, so I was not "ready" to meet anyone special.
Sipping on water, I had decided to only stay for a half hour before making my way home. Once my friends friends' starting showing up, I quickly decided to stay a little longer. His group had several single guys in the midst and one caught my eye. While it wasn't immediate, he did end up coming over to say hello once my friend introduced us. Turned out he was indeed single, 35, employed and goes to church. I found him very attractive. Before leaving for the evening, he asked for my number and I plugged it into his phone. He walked me to my car before returning to the party and before he turned to leave he kissed me.
It was a good night.
He seemed to like me even though I hadn't gotten made up or changed my clothes; I had been upfront with the conversation and what I was looking for. I hadn't beaten around the bush or tried to play any games and I asked him for the same from the very beginning. We were on the same page....
He texted me the next evening and I had been flirty and charming in response. He hadn't asked me on a date yet at this point so I started to wonder but didn't make my desperation apparent to him. I let it go and went about my life.
The following day I was out with friends when he called. We were all hanging out at this outdoor venue playing bocce ball and sipping on wine so I invited him over. He was just down the street at his parents' home watching his niece. About a half hour later he was joining my friends and myself with his niece. It was a lovely afternoon! He was very good with the children that we were hanging out with and got along with my friends.
Once my friends left, I was alone with Mr. Bow and his niece. They invited me back to his parents' home where he was also house sitting and I obliged. I drove myself over to the house and we chatted and all went in the Jacuzzi. I felt it was a safe environment to do so since his nice was there. She was an adorable pre-teen firecracker that I loved immediately. Once she went to bed, Mr. Bow and I continued our conversations and still seemed to be on the same page.
Since I had been so upfront and honest from the start, I felt comfortable and safe with him already. We bonded over both being divorced and how much dating sucked. We discussed why our relationships had ended and I was very upfront with him. I told him I was ready for marriage and kids and once I found the right guy I'd like all of that sooner rather than later. I told him how I felt about dating and the painful process of finding Mr. Right...he seemed to agree with me on all terms and there was no sign of him getting scared away. He was charming and sweet and fun. I thought this would be the start of something pretty amazing.
I didn't want to romanticize the night too much, afterall this was only the first time we had hung out and it wasn't even alone. I asked him to take me on a proper date in the near future and he said he was mine for at the very least the next month as he had plans in his head already of all the places he wanted to take me. I gave in that night. I let my needs and wants take over me and made myself believe there was no way this would or could be a one night stand; he was too into me and agreed on all that I told him I was looking for. We were on the same page afterall!
Perhaps the same page but in the light of the next few days it seemed the page had invisible ink on it revealing his actual intentions.
When I didn't hear from him the following day, I texted in the late evening. Still in my clouded, naïve head he was still a great guy. Perhaps just busy, so I made the effort to reach out first. I was still glowing and happy bursting with ideas of all the possibilities. All my thoughts were crushed the moment he wrote back to me..He wrote "I have to be honest before things get too far....I know your marriage ended because he didn't want children and I also don't want any".
He knew from the start how important that was to me. Why wouldn't he speak up then? Why would he kiss me if all along he knew we didn't want the same things out of life? Why would he meet my friends, allow me to meet his niece and bond with her, why would he take advantage of me and my dreams the way he did?
Because he is a man and men just want what they want when they want it.
My faith is shaking.
Just when I think I found a nice guy and let my guard down life has a funny way of making the jaded even more jaded. Trusting people is not something that comes naturally to me and when someone purposefully uses me it does not sit well with me. I try to love as if I've never been hurt and that is getting harder and harder to do.
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