Why Are You Still Single?

I get this question from everyone!
Best Friends, Parents (both mine and others), Grandparents (again, both mine and others'), New People I meet, everyone! Anyone that spends more than 5 minutes in my presence and finds out that I am still single asks the dreaded question, "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?"
Well first, let me say that if I knew the answer I probably wouldn't be single. Secondly, I know you mean well and all but this is a back handed compliment. I get that you think I am great, awesome, amazing, a fantastic catch and all but it also implicates that there is something wrong with me, not to mention reminds me that I am still single! We were just having a great time at the BBQ and I wasn't feeling lonely among all my friends here but then you asked me that and now all I can think of is how unbelievably single I am and how hard it is to find a good man. With 5 little words you have managed to (without knowing it) ruin my day. I will put on a happy face though and you will never know it but to all those happily married/engaged/dating people out there with AMAZING single friends, I will try to answer the "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE" question so you don't have to ruin any more days!


I am 32. I am an attractive single, successful, creative female with many talents and a desire to be wife and mother. I am not the jealous type nor am I needy or a gold digger. I have ex's who would stand up for my awesomeness as a girlfriend if asked. I have an amazing family and fantastic group of friends. I have a great sense of humor, can cook, dance, tell time on a non digital clock even! I have life experience, can hold a conversation with anyone and can speak fluent wit and sarcasm. I hold my own hanging with the boys and playing bar games and can work a red carpet like nobody's business. I enjoy hiking and doing work around the house. I am a people pleaser and will help anyone in need if I can. I don't have any weird additional phalange or weird dark mole on my face. I take care of myself and eat well. I wear appropriate makeup and have fashion and common sense. I am computer literate (obviously), easy going and fancy myself to be a great catch. So why am I still single? 


Here is a list I've compiled to answer that question (to the best of my ability), to anyone wondering...




1. There is too many options available to men these days
In the world of www I am finding that there are too many women looking for attention on the internet and have turned to internet/app dating making it so easy for the male species to chat and hook up with those easier than myself.


2. I am picky and not willing to "settle"
While I have a list of deal-breakers, I have over time honed in on exactly what it is I am looking for in a man. Reality is, I haven't found him yet because I don't think men my age were raised correctly for what I want! I have an amazing role model (my step-dad), and will not settle for anything less than what I deserve.


3. Men prefer younger, skinnier model types
Cheeky, sexual images spread across commercials, tv, movies etc. has put a false sense of beauty into the minds of men. While I am photogenic and attractive, I am not a size 2 20 year old. I have hips and curves and being 32, a few wrinkles. Guys that are single and my age have already traded in their peers for the younger models that more resemble the "beauty standard". For those that say REAL MEN prefer a woman with curves, I ask you WHERE ARE THESE REAL MEN? Even if I find one who likes my curves, he just wants to use me as a play thing and nothing more. If I am not willing, he moves right along to the next girl in line. (see #1)


4. I don't waste my time
If I date someone and realize a few weeks in that it isn't right for a long term relationship, I don't stick it out and wait and see. I am not 20 and I don't have time to wait around and see if it might change. People don't change. If I see something in you that makes me think you would be a terrible husband or father, I end it. Many date to just have fun, but that isn't me. My goal in dating is to find my life long partner. While I keep it light at the beginning, my intentions are always just under the surface. I can't waste my time and get sucked into a relationship that I know won't work long term.


5. I am too sexy
Or at least that is what I am told. I don't do it intentionally; I don't like that sort of attention but I guess I exude sexuality and men think of me just as a sexual toy and nothing more. They want a physical relationship but could care less who I actually am, what I like, etc. Just when I think a guy is actually interested in ME I find out he isn't.


6. Guys don't want to settle down
Even when in a relationship for YEARS, it always ends because the men are afraid to grow up. They don't want to settle down, get married and have kids. There is too much they want to "do" before they will be "ready". This really translates into "there are too many woman out there I haven't F#$%ed" or that some men are really just too afraid to be men and grow up. I'm a good girl and in this day & age, that is a disadvantage it seems!


7....And the men who want what I want, already have it!
If a good guy wants to settle down and have kids, by the age of 32 he already has. He is already living the life I want with his beautiful wife. I have to either wait for his marriage to fall apart and his divorce to be finalized (by which point he is no longer the good guy and now just another jaded man in the dating pool), or I have to move to Seattle, Minnesota or Oregon to meet his brother who is not as attractive, successful or kid friendly.


8. I don't think I am dumb enough
Granted there are beautiful children in this world that were not planned and things worked out between a large majority of men/woman who are together and happy now due to the children they had while casually dating one another...but I think I am too smart at this age to fall into a situation like that. I do not have casual sex and when I do engage in the physical act of love, I use protection. I don't want to have a "mistake" baby. I don't want to be connected to someone for the rest of my life unless I choose him for myself. If I don't choose him for myself, why would he be good enough for my future children? Sure, there are many days when I think I would wish for a "mistake" to happen but deep down I know I want to do it "right". Meet a man I fall in love with, marry and then have children...but my days feel numbered now and I am not sure I will ever get what I want. No one said life was fair; I've heard this my entire life!
While I am not dumb enough to get knocked up by mistake, I am also not dumb enough to fall for D-bag guys. There are plenty out there that will smooze and talk their way into a relationship only to turn around and cheat on you.


9. I have issues, but doesn't everyone?
I recently realized I have severe abandonment issues and while I try to not be a victim and I didn't even realize it caused me issues with dating;after hard examination of my behavior in new relationships that have started to form in the recent past, I have noticed some harmful patterns emerge due to my issues. I have a wall up and while it may appear that I let people in easily, I test them. I push and pull to make them prove to me that they want me for me and will put up a fight to keep me. So far I haven't found a man who can pass.


10. It's all or nothing with the men I find.
The guy either wants nothing to do with a serious relationship and just wants to hook up or he wants to get married to me like, yesterday! I need something in between. Firstly I need to feel a connection with someone which I haven't found in the last year or so! Secondly I need to know he wants me for me and sees a future. Thirdly, I'd like to marry within the next couple of years but I also want to know who I am marrying! I'd like to enjoy dating for awhile and then enjoy being engaged before walking down an aisle.


11. I live in the suburbs and good single men are hard to find!
I work a full time job, have great friends and family that keep me busy so unless someone falls into my lap, I am not really out searching. The people I may run into at the grocery store are 99% more likely to me married or taken, so that option is not one to bank on.


12. Almost All my friends are married.
My friends have to have someone to set me up with, right? Wrong. Marrieds tend to hang with other marrieds. It is rare that a single hangs out with a bunch of couples but I do and they don't have anyone they'd want to set me up with. I have however gotten the other dreaded "compliment", "You're too good for him" when someone actually does come to their mind. I get that you think so but I can be shitty. This statement makes me think you're being condescending and you just don't want them to end up with me.
The few single friends I do still have are going through similar struggles as me but are all a few years younger and wouldn't give up a good guy if they met one, even if they were already seeing someone.


So there you have it. 12 reasons that I can think of to answer the question "WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?"