Morals, Respect, Chivalry...these things don't have to be dead people!
We can resuscitate them with a little practice.
I can across a blog this morning that had 10 Old-Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Bring Back and it got me thinking....why did these ever go away? Why don't men ask a girl out anymore or bring a girl flowers, open doors, ASK before touching? And the one that REALLY bothers me is calling it what it is! If you are spending time together, going out and getting to know one another with a mutual attraction; you are DATING. If neither of you are seeing other people, you are going steady or exclusive. Guys these days call it "hanging out" or "hooking up" or "chilling" or "meet up" and it's annoying!
If you get a moment, take a look at the blog for yourself to see the full list of dating habits we should bring back. The more eyes see it, the more likely we are to change the dating world! ;)
May 29, 2014
May 28, 2014
So Little Time!
"So many men, so little time" Is something a SEX IN THE CITY episode would say...here in the suburbs, I have so many plans, things to do, crafts and friends that I can barely find time to set a date for a date. My schedule the last few weeks has been so jam packed that I barely have enough time to breath let alone date. Now, don't get me wrong, I love all my plans and crafts; the problem however is it got me thinking....
If I can't even find the time to go on a date, how on Earth am I ever going to find the time for a relationship? I have become so set in my ways and used to planning for only myself and what I want to do that I don't know how anyone else will ever fit into my life at this point. Have I lost the ability to become flexible to someone else's needs?
I remember how it was when I was in a relationship and how open I was to doing whatever it was HE wanted to do. It was easy though because neither of us really had any friends other than each other. My life has changed drastically in the last few years, for the better...or so I thought. I have caught myself the past couple weeks (as my 32nd Birthday fast approaches), trying to talk myself into the idea of not finding a man or having babies and being okay with that. I don't fully believe it yet but I do see that I am becoming less and less hopeful.
They say that after 35 it starts becoming dangerous for myself and future offspring...I know a lot of women have children later in life and it's socially acceptable but it is not acceptable for my life plan that I've had since I was 5! I always wanted to have kids young and a lot of them. As I turn 32, my window is closing in daily. The older you are with dating, I see that relationships move quicker than when we were in our 20's but at this point I need to find a man; one that I actually approve of and love enough to actually have a child with (which has proven WAY harder than I ever thought possible), fall in love, get engaged, plan a wedding, get married, buy a house...then have a baby, in that order, all within the next 3 years. I always wanted that timeline and to be able to enjoy each step. While it is possible it is not probable.
At what point do you give up on your dreams and be okay with a plan b?
I have wonderful family and friends surrounding me and I get to be an Auntie to so many of my friends' kids and they fill a little piece of my heart that can only be filled by children; another small piece of that puzzle is filled by knowing I've donated eggs successfully and there are children in this world because of me. If I never have my own to raise I will be okay...i think.
Sometimes I wish I was not so careful and smart. If I were to do one night stands or flings or hook-ups, I could have had a "mistake" by now. I could have fallen into a relationship with someone I thought was totally wrong for me but given a chance turned out to be the perfect guy. Have I missed opportunities by thinking too much? Do I need to lower my standards to get what I want and then is it even what I want at that point? Perhaps I've been too hurt by men in my life that I am incapable of thinking any of them measure up and will be good fathers. Maybe my deep seeded issues are finally catching up with me and I am just doomed.....
If I can't even find the time to go on a date, how on Earth am I ever going to find the time for a relationship? I have become so set in my ways and used to planning for only myself and what I want to do that I don't know how anyone else will ever fit into my life at this point. Have I lost the ability to become flexible to someone else's needs?
I remember how it was when I was in a relationship and how open I was to doing whatever it was HE wanted to do. It was easy though because neither of us really had any friends other than each other. My life has changed drastically in the last few years, for the better...or so I thought. I have caught myself the past couple weeks (as my 32nd Birthday fast approaches), trying to talk myself into the idea of not finding a man or having babies and being okay with that. I don't fully believe it yet but I do see that I am becoming less and less hopeful.
They say that after 35 it starts becoming dangerous for myself and future offspring...I know a lot of women have children later in life and it's socially acceptable but it is not acceptable for my life plan that I've had since I was 5! I always wanted to have kids young and a lot of them. As I turn 32, my window is closing in daily. The older you are with dating, I see that relationships move quicker than when we were in our 20's but at this point I need to find a man; one that I actually approve of and love enough to actually have a child with (which has proven WAY harder than I ever thought possible), fall in love, get engaged, plan a wedding, get married, buy a house...then have a baby, in that order, all within the next 3 years. I always wanted that timeline and to be able to enjoy each step. While it is possible it is not probable.
At what point do you give up on your dreams and be okay with a plan b?
I have wonderful family and friends surrounding me and I get to be an Auntie to so many of my friends' kids and they fill a little piece of my heart that can only be filled by children; another small piece of that puzzle is filled by knowing I've donated eggs successfully and there are children in this world because of me. If I never have my own to raise I will be okay...i think.
Sometimes I wish I was not so careful and smart. If I were to do one night stands or flings or hook-ups, I could have had a "mistake" by now. I could have fallen into a relationship with someone I thought was totally wrong for me but given a chance turned out to be the perfect guy. Have I missed opportunities by thinking too much? Do I need to lower my standards to get what I want and then is it even what I want at that point? Perhaps I've been too hurt by men in my life that I am incapable of thinking any of them measure up and will be good fathers. Maybe my deep seeded issues are finally catching up with me and I am just doomed.....
May 23, 2014
Self Realizations: Part 1
Abandonment Issues
I never thought or wanted to be a victim of anything, let alone a mental issue! Once a friend pointed out that she recently realized she had severe abandonment issues herself, it got me thinking. We both had similarities in how we were raised and grew up. After our conversation I looked online at the symptoms and characteristics of a person with abandonment issues and I "passed" the test with flying colors.
Since I was 11, there has been an amazing male role model and dad in my life. My past was just that and I didn't think about it often. I never considered myself to have "daddy-issues" or any issues from the way I was raised. My mom did everything she could for us and I think considering the circumstances, I had an amazing childhood. Sure, I was a latch-key kid and there were problems with my real father but I felt normal(ish). Never once as an adult did I think I had any emotional scaring or baggage that would lead me to issues with dating or men. Everyone has their issues and baggage and I didn't think I was any more damaged then the next person.
The moment I realized I actually did have deep down issues and was more damaged than the normal person, I tried to examine my dating life in a new perspective to find what it was that was keeping me from finding my Mr. Right and making terrible choices.
A big one is that I don't feel I deserve a really amazing guy. I want to think I know that I DO deserve but deep down I know I feel like I don't. That wasn't confusing or anything, was it? LOL
I always think that the good ones will find me too damaged eventually so I leave before they have the oppurtunity to.
I stay in bad relationships far too long because I think I can fix them! If I stay in a little longer, it will somehow magically heal me inside because it would be a metaphor to fix my abandonment problems. Like, I wasn't able to fix my biological father from abandoning me/us but if I could fix this relationship without it ending or me pulling out, all would be fixed. It might not be with the best guy but it has been with guys I felt I deserved.
Its tough to examine yourself and your bad dating habits! To make realizations and say them out loud...I do believe it is just step 1 into making real changes and creating new habits that are healthier. Just a few days into my cleanse and already I am feeling like I am making progress.....
I never thought or wanted to be a victim of anything, let alone a mental issue! Once a friend pointed out that she recently realized she had severe abandonment issues herself, it got me thinking. We both had similarities in how we were raised and grew up. After our conversation I looked online at the symptoms and characteristics of a person with abandonment issues and I "passed" the test with flying colors.
Since I was 11, there has been an amazing male role model and dad in my life. My past was just that and I didn't think about it often. I never considered myself to have "daddy-issues" or any issues from the way I was raised. My mom did everything she could for us and I think considering the circumstances, I had an amazing childhood. Sure, I was a latch-key kid and there were problems with my real father but I felt normal(ish). Never once as an adult did I think I had any emotional scaring or baggage that would lead me to issues with dating or men. Everyone has their issues and baggage and I didn't think I was any more damaged then the next person.
The moment I realized I actually did have deep down issues and was more damaged than the normal person, I tried to examine my dating life in a new perspective to find what it was that was keeping me from finding my Mr. Right and making terrible choices.
A big one is that I don't feel I deserve a really amazing guy. I want to think I know that I DO deserve but deep down I know I feel like I don't. That wasn't confusing or anything, was it? LOL
I always think that the good ones will find me too damaged eventually so I leave before they have the oppurtunity to.
I stay in bad relationships far too long because I think I can fix them! If I stay in a little longer, it will somehow magically heal me inside because it would be a metaphor to fix my abandonment problems. Like, I wasn't able to fix my biological father from abandoning me/us but if I could fix this relationship without it ending or me pulling out, all would be fixed. It might not be with the best guy but it has been with guys I felt I deserved.
Its tough to examine yourself and your bad dating habits! To make realizations and say them out loud...I do believe it is just step 1 into making real changes and creating new habits that are healthier. Just a few days into my cleanse and already I am feeling like I am making progress.....
May 21, 2014
5/20/14: Mr. Yearly
Since I've been off the grid (for a whole 3 days!)...I still have a few guys on the roster to get through. That sounds terrible, right? "To get through"? Wow.
Mr. Yearly and I had met on MATCH almost exactly a year ago. At that time his car was having issues and he did not have any transportation to meet up. He ride his bike a couple miles to work and didn't have much of a social life. While I found him attractive in the looks dept. I pretty much had written him off due to the fact I didn't want to be his chauffeur.
When he popped up on the Tinder app a few weeks ago, he looked familiar so I swiped right and we had matched. He started messaging me through the app and we realized we still had each others phone numbers in our phones so we started to text. Turns out he now has a motorcyle and we decided to meet for one drink on a Tuesday night.
The place we decided to meet at was totally dead! It made it a little awkward but gave us the opportunity to talk easily. Mr. Yearly mumbles and I had to strain to hear him; he had one wonky tooth that stuck out form the others which I found to be distracting. We talked mostly about children, which was weird but I was fine with. Nieces, Nephews, babysitting, friends' kids, dating people with kids, stay at home dads...
We also talked about dating as you get older and the Tinder app. He had roomates who also used the app and what he told me was eye opening.
His buddies used it when they were bored and even if they were into a girl, they found the app too tempting to stop! So, rather than being focused on the girl they liked and found to be as a potential for more, they couldn't give their full focus because there were girls on the app who may be easier and men being men, they kept juggling more and more women becuase it was an ego booster and the girls that could have been more became lost in the shuffle. This made TOTAL sense to me because well, men are pigs...and I feel I have been that girl that got lost in the shuffle! I didn't understand at the time why the guys always seem to disappear after a great date or start to text less and less but it totally makes sense now!
The date wasn't terrible but there also was no real spark. He reminded me of the kind of guy I would have ended up with if I had grown up in Torrance. A grease monkey who works on cars but can't afford a car himself. He lived with his parents in Simi Valley and while I am not a princess, I do expect to have a certain lifestyle even if I have to work for it myself. A seemingly nice guy but there was not even the desire to kiss him at the end of our date. We exchange an awkward hug after he put on his heavy, hard motorcylce jacket (he rode a 600, whatever that means) and said goodnight as we walked to our separate vehicles.
Once he got to his destination, he texted me that he had a great time. The next morning he texted to say good morning...While I am pleasant and respond, I think he might get lost in my shuffle and busy schedule. Maybe I will hear from him a year from now and he will be better...?
Mr. Yearly and I had met on MATCH almost exactly a year ago. At that time his car was having issues and he did not have any transportation to meet up. He ride his bike a couple miles to work and didn't have much of a social life. While I found him attractive in the looks dept. I pretty much had written him off due to the fact I didn't want to be his chauffeur.
When he popped up on the Tinder app a few weeks ago, he looked familiar so I swiped right and we had matched. He started messaging me through the app and we realized we still had each others phone numbers in our phones so we started to text. Turns out he now has a motorcyle and we decided to meet for one drink on a Tuesday night.
The place we decided to meet at was totally dead! It made it a little awkward but gave us the opportunity to talk easily. Mr. Yearly mumbles and I had to strain to hear him; he had one wonky tooth that stuck out form the others which I found to be distracting. We talked mostly about children, which was weird but I was fine with. Nieces, Nephews, babysitting, friends' kids, dating people with kids, stay at home dads...
We also talked about dating as you get older and the Tinder app. He had roomates who also used the app and what he told me was eye opening.
His buddies used it when they were bored and even if they were into a girl, they found the app too tempting to stop! So, rather than being focused on the girl they liked and found to be as a potential for more, they couldn't give their full focus because there were girls on the app who may be easier and men being men, they kept juggling more and more women becuase it was an ego booster and the girls that could have been more became lost in the shuffle. This made TOTAL sense to me because well, men are pigs...and I feel I have been that girl that got lost in the shuffle! I didn't understand at the time why the guys always seem to disappear after a great date or start to text less and less but it totally makes sense now!
The date wasn't terrible but there also was no real spark. He reminded me of the kind of guy I would have ended up with if I had grown up in Torrance. A grease monkey who works on cars but can't afford a car himself. He lived with his parents in Simi Valley and while I am not a princess, I do expect to have a certain lifestyle even if I have to work for it myself. A seemingly nice guy but there was not even the desire to kiss him at the end of our date. We exchange an awkward hug after he put on his heavy, hard motorcylce jacket (he rode a 600, whatever that means) and said goodnight as we walked to our separate vehicles.
Once he got to his destination, he texted me that he had a great time. The next morning he texted to say good morning...While I am pleasant and respond, I think he might get lost in my shuffle and busy schedule. Maybe I will hear from him a year from now and he will be better...?
May 19, 2014
Off The Grid: A Dating Cleanse
I enjoy writing lists; for everything! From a simple grocery list to packing lists for trips, favorite karaoke songs to sing, timelines for parties, etc. I realized I have a problem however when I had to start writing out a list of the guys I was talking to in order to keep track. I had their names, their phone numbers and any information that would allow me to remember who was who, such as age, location, job or a physical trait that I remembered. This past Friday I had a current list of 20 men. 5 had been crossed out as potentials that week after I had met and realized there was nothing worth considering long term. I left work on Friday with 15 still on the list.
The last 2 guys I had met up with knew upfront my stand on getting too physical too quickly and both had still tried to make a pass and made me uncomfortable. This only increased my thoughts that men on the dating sites were only after one thing, even if they pretended they were on the same page! Even the ones I had met that said they were looking for a relationship had only shown their true colors after a few dates and ended up being emotionally damaged, incapable of having a relationship OR creepy/stalker types.
I also made the realization that I wasn't dating to find a potential life mate either, but once again dating for just entertainment. I was bored and had grown even more jaded and picky. It was a numbers game at this point in my life and I was in such a hurry to obtain as many names/numbers as possible in a desperate hope to just get attention and to fill in my down time with something to do in order to not look at the real problem(s) in my own life.
It wasn't even online dating anymore, but an even more convenient, take with you anywhere APP. We don't even call it an application, but abbreviate it to APP; our conversations are abbreviated and we have become lazy with our dating. There is a problem here. I need to change something in my life, become more active in my choosing a mate and not allowing my life to be ruined by apps and lists. I need to take a step away from the online and app dating in order to find myself again and pin point my own issues as to why I may be so picky, jaded or not allowing myself to really get serious about finding Mr. Right.
After a long conversation with my bestie, we decided to DELETE the apps and the profiles and get OFF THE GRID for awhile. There is no one on those sites that I would actually find myself falling in love with; everyone is on there for different reasons but finding a life long, real deal love seems to not be one of them. I've had many many experiences and I am glad I did it but it is time to let love find me. We are giving it 3 months with no online or app meeting/dating; she doesn't think I can make it.
What will become of my dating life while off the grid? Is it even possible in this day and age? They say everyone is online now and if you want to meet anyone, you have to be as well. I believed this to be true for too many years now and the only 2 guys in the last year that lasted more then 2 dates had been with men I met randomly in real life. This tells me that it is still possible and I need to explore this old school option if I want to find a man with old school morals and characteristics that I want. I need to re-examine myself; what I want, why I do what I do, etc. This experiment seems even stranger than my 100 dates in a year thing for some reason, and it shouldn't. I almost feel like I am embarking on a juice cleanse or fasting. Kind of makes sense because I am hoping I will come out of this stronger and healthier (in myself and in dating)
The last 2 guys I had met up with knew upfront my stand on getting too physical too quickly and both had still tried to make a pass and made me uncomfortable. This only increased my thoughts that men on the dating sites were only after one thing, even if they pretended they were on the same page! Even the ones I had met that said they were looking for a relationship had only shown their true colors after a few dates and ended up being emotionally damaged, incapable of having a relationship OR creepy/stalker types.
I also made the realization that I wasn't dating to find a potential life mate either, but once again dating for just entertainment. I was bored and had grown even more jaded and picky. It was a numbers game at this point in my life and I was in such a hurry to obtain as many names/numbers as possible in a desperate hope to just get attention and to fill in my down time with something to do in order to not look at the real problem(s) in my own life.
It wasn't even online dating anymore, but an even more convenient, take with you anywhere APP. We don't even call it an application, but abbreviate it to APP; our conversations are abbreviated and we have become lazy with our dating. There is a problem here. I need to change something in my life, become more active in my choosing a mate and not allowing my life to be ruined by apps and lists. I need to take a step away from the online and app dating in order to find myself again and pin point my own issues as to why I may be so picky, jaded or not allowing myself to really get serious about finding Mr. Right.
After a long conversation with my bestie, we decided to DELETE the apps and the profiles and get OFF THE GRID for awhile. There is no one on those sites that I would actually find myself falling in love with; everyone is on there for different reasons but finding a life long, real deal love seems to not be one of them. I've had many many experiences and I am glad I did it but it is time to let love find me. We are giving it 3 months with no online or app meeting/dating; she doesn't think I can make it.
What will become of my dating life while off the grid? Is it even possible in this day and age? They say everyone is online now and if you want to meet anyone, you have to be as well. I believed this to be true for too many years now and the only 2 guys in the last year that lasted more then 2 dates had been with men I met randomly in real life. This tells me that it is still possible and I need to explore this old school option if I want to find a man with old school morals and characteristics that I want. I need to re-examine myself; what I want, why I do what I do, etc. This experiment seems even stranger than my 100 dates in a year thing for some reason, and it shouldn't. I almost feel like I am embarking on a juice cleanse or fasting. Kind of makes sense because I am hoping I will come out of this stronger and healthier (in myself and in dating)
May 18, 2014
5/17/14: Mr. Piano Man, Round 2
I had met up with Mr. Piano Man during one of my triple booked evenings, after weeks of texting. I had met him randomly and in real life, not on an app or dating site. I found him extremely adorable and sexy and oh so talented! While I didnt think anything was really there romantically, he has been texting me ever since our date. While he lives pretty far from me in the city, he does work at a restaurant as the entertainment every now and then. When he is near, we try to meet up if our schedules allow.
It was a Saturday night and my friends and I were just hanging at a house, drinking wine, talking and playing pool. It was a totally casual evening and Mr. Piano Man was in town so I decided to invite him over. I was not in a mood (nor was I sober) to drive to meet him. To my surprise, he wants to come to the house and just hang out with me and my friends! He gets tot he house and walks in, he melds very well with the group and is personable, funny, charming, etc. He fits in nicely. When everyone gets tired and starts to peel off to go to bed one at a time, Mr. Piano Man still looks comfortable. We start a game of pool, just the two of us and things start to heat up.
Having had probably one too many glasses of some kind of vodka-gatorade (or whatever we had for mixer), I allow a little too much than I normally would have, but it wasn't a first date and the only thing keeping me from really liking Mr. Piano Man is my own thought that I am not good enough for him. I've been making excuses in my head; "I'm not skinny enough for him", "he is too talented to like me", "he is probably just bored and wasting time with me until he finds someone better", "he is just going to run off and be uber famous someday and will have his pick of girls!" ...
The quote is so true and hits home on this one! I KNOW that I should think I deserve more but how do you actually change your way of thinking? I am holding myself back from many opportunities because deep down I don't think I deserve a good guy. This could stem from issues I haven't fully explored yet but hope to during an "OFF THE GRID" phase of dating I am considering.
Mr. Piano Man is actually making the effort to keep in contact with me and trying to plan our next date. He liked my friends and is talking about trying to drive up to where we are camping this weekend to hang for a few hours before he has to work in the evenings; I don't think I really believe that he likes me yet but I am trying!
It was a Saturday night and my friends and I were just hanging at a house, drinking wine, talking and playing pool. It was a totally casual evening and Mr. Piano Man was in town so I decided to invite him over. I was not in a mood (nor was I sober) to drive to meet him. To my surprise, he wants to come to the house and just hang out with me and my friends! He gets tot he house and walks in, he melds very well with the group and is personable, funny, charming, etc. He fits in nicely. When everyone gets tired and starts to peel off to go to bed one at a time, Mr. Piano Man still looks comfortable. We start a game of pool, just the two of us and things start to heat up.
Having had probably one too many glasses of some kind of vodka-gatorade (or whatever we had for mixer), I allow a little too much than I normally would have, but it wasn't a first date and the only thing keeping me from really liking Mr. Piano Man is my own thought that I am not good enough for him. I've been making excuses in my head; "I'm not skinny enough for him", "he is too talented to like me", "he is probably just bored and wasting time with me until he finds someone better", "he is just going to run off and be uber famous someday and will have his pick of girls!" ...
“We accept the love we think we deserve."
The quote is so true and hits home on this one! I KNOW that I should think I deserve more but how do you actually change your way of thinking? I am holding myself back from many opportunities because deep down I don't think I deserve a good guy. This could stem from issues I haven't fully explored yet but hope to during an "OFF THE GRID" phase of dating I am considering.
Mr. Piano Man is actually making the effort to keep in contact with me and trying to plan our next date. He liked my friends and is talking about trying to drive up to where we are camping this weekend to hang for a few hours before he has to work in the evenings; I don't think I really believe that he likes me yet but I am trying!
May 16, 2014
Effort
Men, a little effort goes a long way!
If the woman in your life is telling you exactly what she wants or needs, listen! This is her way of saying she needs more effort from you and she is trying to help you;to give you a roadmap to what it is she is looking for.
If she is doing this for you, it is not to criticize or belittle the efforts you may (or may not) be making, but rather to assist you in your quest to make her happy. Think of it as giving you a Christmas wish list list rather than letting you fend for the perfect present all on your own.
Woman, we need to out in effort as well. Effort to look good for out man, listen to his rambling about work or sports, effort to not talk as much as we probably want to because he doesn't care or listen anyhow...effort to make decisions because they hate when we can't make up our minds all the time...
I recently contemplated recycling Mr. Four seasons. I had a weak moment and slightly opened the possibility the other night to him. While I haven't physically seen him, there has been some flirty texts and calls, however his schedule is still too crazy for him to carve out anytime before 10pm for me. I don't feel that a late night hang at his place is putting in any effort that would transition to anything more than what we had which was me being bored and him getting his way. I told him point blank that I needed more effort from him. His form of effort was asking me over. The simple offer to drive the 10 minutes to my place wasn't even something he could do. He felt justified that he had done his part by simpley inviting me over.
I knew once there we wouldn't talk, we wouldn't do much of anything but watch tv in bed and fall asleep. There is no way I am starting things up again to just leave off where things ended. I need and deserve more.
A text to say you're thinking of me.
This takes mere seconds and can be done from practically anywhere yet shows a girl that you care! I don't care who you are or how busy your schedule is, this one should be a no brainer!
Drive to her. I don't care if it's the first date or you've been dating for months; the guy should make the effort to drive to the woman! In my situation with Mr. Four Seasons, if he wants to start things back up, he should be making the effort as if it is brand new and he isn't.
Flowers.
Even the girl who says she doesn't like flowers, likes flowers. You don't have to remember her favorite type or spend a small fortune on an elaborate bouquet. A girl like me likes the hand picked, stolen from the neighbors garden kind of flowers. It just has to be a simple gesture that means you are putting effort into the relationship. I've had guys bring me plastic gas station flowers, I've gotten single red rose from a first date, the ones who found snap dragons for me (my personal fav), guys who have sent me bouquets at work, even one who gave me pots, soil and bulbs to plant with him so we could watch them grow together. While he didn't last till that spring, the effort they all made to make me smile will forever be with me.
Sidebar to the flowers; don't just do it when she is upset! The just because I'm thinkin about you flowers are where the real effort to keep the romance in the relationship lie!
Spend time.
We are ALL busy. It is making the effort to spend the time you do have with the girl count. Woman just want to feel wanted in my opinion. You need to find what it is she needs during the time you spend with her. Does she need to talk? Does she need to be held? Does she need you to be a man and take her upstairs? It depends on the woman and her mood and you only learn is by spending time with her.
While I did not give into Mr. Four Seasons and his request for me to drive over to see him tonight, I did learn that he was not and will not make any effort to keep me around even after I've told him exactly what it is I needed without him having to do any of the leg work. He is a sweet guy and will be a great husband and father someday to someone perhaps a little less needy than myself (although I don't think I am too demanding or needy, he seems to think I am).
He has frustrated me more than anyone I've ever met, and I'm sure I've frustrated him on more then one occasion. We don't see eye to eye on anything yet we both have this attraction to one another. I believe my attraction is more of a forecast of what I think he can and will be like in the future, as opposed to what and who he actually is. This is the wrong way to see anyone though and I need to just see what is here in front of me and not what I think or want to see! This was the same reason I was in a 7 years on/off relationship with me ex. I wanted so badly the future I had in my head I was willing to put up with a crappy present for something that was not guaranteed!
Ladies, try to see what is in front of you. If he isn't making the effort at the beginning, he isnt going to make it, period!
May 14, 2014
Recycling, It's enevidable!
There comes a point in every (still single) adults life where they get so lonely or desperate for a daily human connection (ie:relationship), that we go through our phones to reconnect with the best of the worst; the ones that weren't as terrible as the others. You start thinking and trying to rationalize your choice by thinking that maybe you were too hard on them the first time around or maybe you were being too picky back then. You've grown since then, you're sure they have too.
Maybe you take a less aggressive approach then a phone call, so you find them on Facebook or Instagram: maybe shoot them a single, short text with a cute emojicon to seem non shalont.
You had a connection at one point, so it had to be easier this time around, right?
You are so sick of meeting strangers and having the same conversations over and over. It is exhausting. You want to skip the BS and go right to the comfortable stage; when things are still new but easy. In the back of your mind you KNOW that it's a mistake to connect an ex. It ended for a reason and people don't change. The exact reason you ended it will still be there in the end but you are so over the whole dating scene, you think WHAT THE HELL!?
You make first contact...which is in fact the FIRST MISTAKE!
You don't want to be the one crawling back first. It seems desperate...but who are you kidding, you are desperate! You push back all your feelings of doubt and now wait for the reply. If they reply back, they usually want you back as well; usually just for the sex though. You hope they are still single and you can go out for a drink to rekindle your lost love.
If we instinctively know that it won't pan out in the end, why do we put ourselves through the recycle heartbreak? Is it because it hurts less the 2nd time around and we are just striving to feel something with less sting? Perhaps it is because we are so lonely and feel we have run out of new prospects in a sea of marrieds here in the suburbs; we don't want to up our NUMBER for yet another stranger and want the physical relationship of someone comfortable...maybe it is just because we are straight up BORED?
I've been a victim of all of the above feelings at one point or another. Being single in the suburbs is not easy. I think back to high school and how easy it was to just pick from a sea of boys, all in one area. When you were done with one crush you already had another lined up. Oh how I wish I had made more of that opportunity! I took it for granted. Now, I miss the CRUSH. I haven't had a crush in years; not even a fantasy famous crush. I've become jaded.
There is no place like high school (that I've found anyway), that has a bunch of single people all in one area, ripe for the pickin'. Even if there was, I think I am so beyond jaded that I wouldn't even go, thinking all the singles would be losers; but I AM ONE OF THOSE! :/ eek.
I live in the suburbs where young families and the olds live. Singles are the minority here. While driving down the streets I see fit young dads running with strollers; just as I start to fall for the (in my mind), cute, single dad and I think about the possibilities of dating a man already in the position to have a family...the blinding glare of the sun hitting his wedding ring is enough to knock me right back into my lonely single life. There are good days where I don't think about it much and there are those days that make me re-think every relationship I've ever been in and if any of them would work now. I've been a victim of recycling before and I am sure I will again at a weak moment.
Hell, even the Tinder app is telling me that "THERE IS NO ONE NEW AROUND YOU"! I guess it is time to re-think my pickiness...or move! :P
You had a connection at one point, so it had to be easier this time around, right?
You are so sick of meeting strangers and having the same conversations over and over. It is exhausting. You want to skip the BS and go right to the comfortable stage; when things are still new but easy. In the back of your mind you KNOW that it's a mistake to connect an ex. It ended for a reason and people don't change. The exact reason you ended it will still be there in the end but you are so over the whole dating scene, you think WHAT THE HELL!?
You make first contact...which is in fact the FIRST MISTAKE!
You don't want to be the one crawling back first. It seems desperate...but who are you kidding, you are desperate! You push back all your feelings of doubt and now wait for the reply. If they reply back, they usually want you back as well; usually just for the sex though. You hope they are still single and you can go out for a drink to rekindle your lost love.
If we instinctively know that it won't pan out in the end, why do we put ourselves through the recycle heartbreak? Is it because it hurts less the 2nd time around and we are just striving to feel something with less sting? Perhaps it is because we are so lonely and feel we have run out of new prospects in a sea of marrieds here in the suburbs; we don't want to up our NUMBER for yet another stranger and want the physical relationship of someone comfortable...maybe it is just because we are straight up BORED?
I've been a victim of all of the above feelings at one point or another. Being single in the suburbs is not easy. I think back to high school and how easy it was to just pick from a sea of boys, all in one area. When you were done with one crush you already had another lined up. Oh how I wish I had made more of that opportunity! I took it for granted. Now, I miss the CRUSH. I haven't had a crush in years; not even a fantasy famous crush. I've become jaded.
There is no place like high school (that I've found anyway), that has a bunch of single people all in one area, ripe for the pickin'. Even if there was, I think I am so beyond jaded that I wouldn't even go, thinking all the singles would be losers; but I AM ONE OF THOSE! :/ eek.
I live in the suburbs where young families and the olds live. Singles are the minority here. While driving down the streets I see fit young dads running with strollers; just as I start to fall for the (in my mind), cute, single dad and I think about the possibilities of dating a man already in the position to have a family...the blinding glare of the sun hitting his wedding ring is enough to knock me right back into my lonely single life. There are good days where I don't think about it much and there are those days that make me re-think every relationship I've ever been in and if any of them would work now. I've been a victim of recycling before and I am sure I will again at a weak moment.
Hell, even the Tinder app is telling me that "THERE IS NO ONE NEW AROUND YOU"! I guess it is time to re-think my pickiness...or move! :P
May 10, 2014
5/9/2014: The rules of dating? (Mr.S)
What are the rules of dating and should we even be putting rules in place in the first place?
If rules are meant to be broken, are we just putting them there as a safety net or an excuse for when things go wrong?
I am a firm believer in the no sex on a first date rule, however I think if I were to meet the right guy that I was overwhelmingly attracted to, I could see myself possibly breaking this rule.
As a result however I don't think a serious relationship would blossom after such a trist because men are pigs and usually wouldn't call once the prize had been won. (In rare cases I am aware that it can happen but I am speaking generally.)
I always thought that having sex too early on would ruin the possibility of a real meaningful relationship, it never crossed my mind that NOT having sex early on could have the same effect.
Last night I went on a first date with Mr. S...we chatted over text for about a week before making dinner plans on a Friday night. We were both up front and totally honest with facts about ourselves and the dinner was comfortable and nice. We shared a similar sense of humor which is huge for me. He kept me laughing and once dinner was over we sat in my car for awhile while we digested the food and more personal info about each other. We decided neither one of us were ready to end the night so choosing the seediest, closest bar, we go to people watch and for a cheap cocktail. Throughout the night I was VERY clear that I do not get physical with a man until I am comfortable in a dating relationship with him. All be it the conversations we were having did turn somewhat sexual, I made my stance very clear. I explained that I feel moving too fast can ruin a good thing before it starts and the importance to me to get to know someone personally before taking the step to get to know them physically. He seemed to understand and be on the same page.
Once we were over the scene at the bar, we decided to go back to my place for a movie and more drinks in a safer environment.
Usually going back to a house to watch a movie is code for some sexy time but I again made it very clear to him and he seemed on the same page with me. Once we got to my place, he picked out a movie and we sat on my bed (above the covers, fully clothed) and started to watch 'knocked up'.
Now, even IF the possibility of sex was on the table, what guy would choose knocked up? Because of his movie choice I felt confident that he fully understood my no sex on a first date rule. Well, my friend...I was wrong!
He went in for the first kiss and I allowed it. It was nice in fact. Then he started to get handsy. I had to swat, block, grab and replace his hand placement numerous times. He started to lean into his kisses harder to reposition me at which point I had to pull away completely and re declare my stance on physical relationships...yet again! I am not that girl. I am a good girl. To which he responded that while he heard me all night, my body was telling him something else. He found me to be very sexual and irresistible and he couldn't help himself.
What that just told me is that he wasn't listening to me, didn't respect me and just saw me as a sexual object.
He finally asked me what I wanted from the evening. "A nice, innocent first date!" And his reply was 'fine, night!' Without so much as a hug or even a glance back, he was out the door and in his car.
What is so wrong about an innocent first date? We are so groomed to getting instant gratification and there are too many women willing to give it up right away that men are conditioned to thinking a woman doesn't like him unless she is willing to get physical.
Maybe they are right?
Maybe something was just missing, making it hard for me to go there with him, like intuition or a gut feeling; something stopped me. On the surface he was a great guy. Perfect on paper kind. I had a good time and would have gone out with him again. There was something brewing though just under the surface; insecurities and anxieties I think that could cause issues down the road. I've been the insecure one before and delt with a guy with major anxiety issues. From our conversations he was also very sexual so the combination could be desastorous to his mental status, either way!
It was a lot to take in and I didn't want to go there. I would hope that if a guy really likes you for you he would respect your decision even if it wouldn't be his decision. He would make you feel comfortable and confident and at least pretend like he thought it was the right choice for the two of you.
When Mr. S left so abruptly I had felt ashamed and like an emotional slut. I had given him all of me; layed out all that I was and all that I hoped for verbally and he pretended to listen, all just in the hopes that I would allow him to also use me physically. He didn't respect me. He heard me but didn't listen. His argument was that he didn't need sex, a BJ would suffice...really?! What is the world coming to when a guy feels he can justify such a statement to a date?? What happened to romance and getting to know someone first? What happened to dating? When did hooking up become the norm? Maybe there should be a rule book in place so that everyone is playing the same game. I feel like I am playing gin rummy while everyone else is playing kinect. I may be old fashioned but someday a man will appreciate that, I hope.
Or perhaps I need to find the guy that makes me want to break the rule.
The perfect guy would respect me and my rule and while I'd want to break it, would keep me on course and not allow me to break it! ;)
He is out there, somewhere.
May 7, 2014
Double/Triple Booking
In the past couple of weeks I have double or triple booked myself twice.
I would not recommend ever double booking yourself!
It requires strategy, memorization and lots of stamina and time management.
April 2014 was a busy dating month for me. Mainly just to get back in the game after having a short lived, month long thing with Mr. Four Seasons.
I had Dinner at the Local Peasant with a British fellow on a Wednesday, Drinks in Sherman Oaks with a friend of a friends' boyfriend on a Friday, Sushi with another guy on a Saturday, and a blind date setup for the Magic Castle on a random Tuesday but the first time I ever double booked was a Thursday. I setup dinner with one guy after a full day of working and then drinks with another guy. The double book turned into a triple once the 2nd date went terrible and a guy I've known a long time asked me to join him at a bar later in the evening. Most random, hectic 5 hours of my entire life.
Dinner had gone okay; the guy was super tall but was that lanky weird skinny. He talked about conspiracy theories and the meaning of life the entire length of dinner. I knew about 5 minutes in that It wasn't going to work. He was smart and not funny. If you are smart, you should be smart enough to at least fake a personality/sense of humor. Don't guys know that girls need a man that can make her laugh?
Since it was a Thursday, I could use work as an excuse to "end" the night early. In reality, I had plans at 9 to meet date #2 for the evening. I was actually looking forward to date #2. It was with a musician. While I normally don't date musicians due to flakiness or "rock star" syndrome, I made an exception because he was SO talented; I was already a groupie after hearing him play at Mastro's a few weeks earlier and stalking his youtube channel. He had given me his number then and we'd been texting ever since. It had been weeks and tonight he finally had the time to meet up. Since his schedule was so busy I had a feeling it would be nothing more than a one date thing but I still wanted to spend some time with him. They were doing karaoke at a bar right down from my house, so I told him to meet me there after his set. He sang, I sang, we sang together, he was impressed by my singing, which amazed me, coming from a Broadway star...he was adorable and quirky. We danced and laughed and had a great time. He was also a few years younger and not looking for anything serious. I've kept in contact with him via text from time to time but I am sure nothing more than a friendship will occur. He is going on to much bigger and brighter places then the Suburbs of the BUBBLE.
Once I left Mr. Piano Man, I headed down the street to meet up with date #3. This was a guy I've known a long time that recently "MATCHED" me on the Tinder app; he was newly divorced and looking to hang out. What I didn't realize is that when date #2 went longer then expected, date #3 had gotten a head start on drinking alone at the bar. By the time I reached him, he was drunk and slurring. He could barley talk and I cut it super short. Once I reached my door at home, he texted me to come back and give him a ride. I declined and told him to call me when you're sober. Oddly enough, that was a title of a song I had sung earlier int he evening on date #2.
While it wasn't really three full dates, it was still exhausting and I wouldn't do it again!
Double booking however, I just did last night and oddly it ended fairly similar!
I met date #1 last night for Happy Hour. He was much shorter that I expected, had two different colored eyes and long shaggy hair and scruff. I was already sitting at a high top table and he literally had to hop up on the chair. I wanted to run immediately but I had to be nice. I wish I could be blunt like my girlfriend and just tell him "I'm Sorry, This just isn't going to work!" and walk out...my concience wouldn't let me, although I really thought about it!
He was originally from like Georgia or something and liked guns; to hunt and just shoot at cans in the desert. He also was a welder and went on for a good 40 minutes describing how to weld and get his pieces passed through an x-ray test...whatever that means? He also talked about a giant banana he had won at some fair. Even showed me pictures of said banana. No, that is not code for anything sexual; that would make for a better story at least! I was bored and wanted to leave, so again, glad it was a mid-week MEET UP, I could use work as an excuse to leave.
Sidenote: I keep saying MEET UP becuase the last few guys I have met from the Tinder app don't call the first meeting a date. They don't want to pay for dinner or go do any fun activities; they all want to meet for a beer or a coffee and call them MEET UPs. I get it and all; dating can get expensive and you never know how the chemistry is going to go but man! what happened to romance and men actually trying to win a girl over?!
Getting back to the story, I leave Mr. Banana to meet up with another Mr. Drunk....he had only been at the bar for 10 minutes before I arrived but had already done 3 shots. Immediately he is trying to hug and touch me, talking VERY close to my face and ear and I am doing nothing but pulling away from him the entire time. Another bar that has karaoke, I get up on stage to just get away from Mr. Drunk. There are only a handful pf people in the bar and people keep asking me for requests, so luckily I don't have to spend much time WITH my date. I sing three songs and then start to make my excuses for having to leave. While I am doing so, some other guy comes over and brings me those bar flowers that they have for $5. It is actually a beautiful bouquet and there is a note with his phone number. Pretty bold if you ask me! As I am trying to make my way to the door to leave, my date screams at me, "HEY! I WANNA MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MOUTH! COME HERE"...so I start to briskly walk away. He tells me to buy him a 6 pack and take him to my place. I am done with trying to be nice at this point and yell "NO!", I get in my car and drive away.
I texted the guy who gave me flowers to say thank you as I didn't have any opportunity to inside the bar. He then just writes back, "I'm not into texting. If you want to talk to me, call me". Fed up with the whole evening I write back to him "This probably isn't going to work then, I'm more of a texter. Thanks for the flowers though"...
I would not recommend ever double booking yourself!
It requires strategy, memorization and lots of stamina and time management.
April 2014 was a busy dating month for me. Mainly just to get back in the game after having a short lived, month long thing with Mr. Four Seasons.
I had Dinner at the Local Peasant with a British fellow on a Wednesday, Drinks in Sherman Oaks with a friend of a friends' boyfriend on a Friday, Sushi with another guy on a Saturday, and a blind date setup for the Magic Castle on a random Tuesday but the first time I ever double booked was a Thursday. I setup dinner with one guy after a full day of working and then drinks with another guy. The double book turned into a triple once the 2nd date went terrible and a guy I've known a long time asked me to join him at a bar later in the evening. Most random, hectic 5 hours of my entire life.
Dinner had gone okay; the guy was super tall but was that lanky weird skinny. He talked about conspiracy theories and the meaning of life the entire length of dinner. I knew about 5 minutes in that It wasn't going to work. He was smart and not funny. If you are smart, you should be smart enough to at least fake a personality/sense of humor. Don't guys know that girls need a man that can make her laugh?
Since it was a Thursday, I could use work as an excuse to "end" the night early. In reality, I had plans at 9 to meet date #2 for the evening. I was actually looking forward to date #2. It was with a musician. While I normally don't date musicians due to flakiness or "rock star" syndrome, I made an exception because he was SO talented; I was already a groupie after hearing him play at Mastro's a few weeks earlier and stalking his youtube channel. He had given me his number then and we'd been texting ever since. It had been weeks and tonight he finally had the time to meet up. Since his schedule was so busy I had a feeling it would be nothing more than a one date thing but I still wanted to spend some time with him. They were doing karaoke at a bar right down from my house, so I told him to meet me there after his set. He sang, I sang, we sang together, he was impressed by my singing, which amazed me, coming from a Broadway star...he was adorable and quirky. We danced and laughed and had a great time. He was also a few years younger and not looking for anything serious. I've kept in contact with him via text from time to time but I am sure nothing more than a friendship will occur. He is going on to much bigger and brighter places then the Suburbs of the BUBBLE.
Once I left Mr. Piano Man, I headed down the street to meet up with date #3. This was a guy I've known a long time that recently "MATCHED" me on the Tinder app; he was newly divorced and looking to hang out. What I didn't realize is that when date #2 went longer then expected, date #3 had gotten a head start on drinking alone at the bar. By the time I reached him, he was drunk and slurring. He could barley talk and I cut it super short. Once I reached my door at home, he texted me to come back and give him a ride. I declined and told him to call me when you're sober. Oddly enough, that was a title of a song I had sung earlier int he evening on date #2.
While it wasn't really three full dates, it was still exhausting and I wouldn't do it again!
Double booking however, I just did last night and oddly it ended fairly similar!
I met date #1 last night for Happy Hour. He was much shorter that I expected, had two different colored eyes and long shaggy hair and scruff. I was already sitting at a high top table and he literally had to hop up on the chair. I wanted to run immediately but I had to be nice. I wish I could be blunt like my girlfriend and just tell him "I'm Sorry, This just isn't going to work!" and walk out...my concience wouldn't let me, although I really thought about it!
He was originally from like Georgia or something and liked guns; to hunt and just shoot at cans in the desert. He also was a welder and went on for a good 40 minutes describing how to weld and get his pieces passed through an x-ray test...whatever that means? He also talked about a giant banana he had won at some fair. Even showed me pictures of said banana. No, that is not code for anything sexual; that would make for a better story at least! I was bored and wanted to leave, so again, glad it was a mid-week MEET UP, I could use work as an excuse to leave.
Sidenote: I keep saying MEET UP becuase the last few guys I have met from the Tinder app don't call the first meeting a date. They don't want to pay for dinner or go do any fun activities; they all want to meet for a beer or a coffee and call them MEET UPs. I get it and all; dating can get expensive and you never know how the chemistry is going to go but man! what happened to romance and men actually trying to win a girl over?!
Getting back to the story, I leave Mr. Banana to meet up with another Mr. Drunk....he had only been at the bar for 10 minutes before I arrived but had already done 3 shots. Immediately he is trying to hug and touch me, talking VERY close to my face and ear and I am doing nothing but pulling away from him the entire time. Another bar that has karaoke, I get up on stage to just get away from Mr. Drunk. There are only a handful pf people in the bar and people keep asking me for requests, so luckily I don't have to spend much time WITH my date. I sing three songs and then start to make my excuses for having to leave. While I am doing so, some other guy comes over and brings me those bar flowers that they have for $5. It is actually a beautiful bouquet and there is a note with his phone number. Pretty bold if you ask me! As I am trying to make my way to the door to leave, my date screams at me, "HEY! I WANNA MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MOUTH! COME HERE"...so I start to briskly walk away. He tells me to buy him a 6 pack and take him to my place. I am done with trying to be nice at this point and yell "NO!", I get in my car and drive away.
I texted the guy who gave me flowers to say thank you as I didn't have any opportunity to inside the bar. He then just writes back, "I'm not into texting. If you want to talk to me, call me". Fed up with the whole evening I write back to him "This probably isn't going to work then, I'm more of a texter. Thanks for the flowers though"...
The ones that lasted more than one date...
Mr. SuperDad
My first experience with dating a guy with a kid was...interesting, and HARD.
I had met him randomly at his place of employment (a restaurant/bar); it was his day off but he was sitting at the bar. A girlfriend and I had about 20 minutes to kill before going to our mutual friends' kids' baseball game and had never been in the local joint. We belly up to the bar, get one beer and strike up a conversation with Mr. Superdad. Turns out his kid is in a little league also but he is with the mom this weekend. He missed his kid and asked if he could tag along to the game with us. Seems like a super nice guy, so he comes with us. Easy to get along with, simple kind of guy, kid friendly...we hit it off. We end up dating through October, even went to Disneyland once and ended up doing the pumpkin patch and trick or treating together with his kid and my friends' kids. I didn't want to get the kid involved until way later, but it was important for him so I went with it. I didn't know the rules of dating a guy with a kid, it was new territory. Things were going fairly smooth except the kid was a little bit of a terror. He was 5 years old and the more time I spent with him and the kid together, the more I saw his parenting style and I was not a fan. This self proclaimed Super Dad was more of a Big Brother. I am not one to judge parenting styles but what I saw I knew I wouldn't want. The kid was rough, didn't listen well, lacked manners of a kid his age. I knew I couldn't say anything to Mr. Superdad so when he started to get super clingy and jealous, it was my way out all together. He lived with his mom, he had no real career (The place he worked at actually closed about a week after I ended it). He was one of those "nice guys" but not for me types. He wanted me to ask his permission when I wanted to hang with my friends rather than with him. I cannot be with someone that controlling.
Mr. Four Seasons
In March of this year I actually met a guy in real life by chance; at the Four Seasons on a girls day trip to the spa and lounge for my best friends birthday. It was the first of March, actually and he was a perfect gentleman. While we did carry our conversation up to my room after the bar closed, we talked until 4am and when he finally leaned in for a kiss, I snarkely said "FINALLY!". When we fell asleep, Mr. Four Seasons slept above the covers and everything. The next morning he realized his friends had totally ditched him so he decided to go with us to a brunch we had planned already. After brunch, I still had "custody" of Mr. Four Seasons and stopped at my parents house for a quick greeting; he went along for the ride, very easy going and was very polite. I eventually took him home but he wanted to take me to dinner that same evening.
We dated for about 40 days before I called it off.
He was VERY busy with work, playing softball and coaching a sports team. We didn't do anything but watch movies or TV; he had warned me at the very beginning but I didn't think it would be as bad as it was. He was exhausted and when we found time together, it was his down time and he just wanted to veg out. I totally get it but I need more at the beginning of a relationship. It was as if we had been together for years already and already in that boring lull of normal life. I don't want that when the guy is suppose to be winning me over. I was bored and frustrated. If I was going to be bored, I wanted to at least have the title of girlfriend but he wasn't willing to label it until he could show me the "real" him once the sports season was over. After 40 days I told him that I really liked him but for him to contact me once he was ready to really have a relationship. I don't want to waste my time and I don't want to be the girl he wastes time with either.
Now that the sports season is coming close to ending, Mr. Four Seasons has been talking to me more but I don't know if we are on the same page still. He is almost 5 years younger then me and while he is a really sweet guy I am still not sure it will pan out for the two of us together. His passion for sports is stronger than it is for me.
I've been on many other dates in the past year, but these are the two that really stood out.
My first experience with dating a guy with a kid was...interesting, and HARD.
I had met him randomly at his place of employment (a restaurant/bar); it was his day off but he was sitting at the bar. A girlfriend and I had about 20 minutes to kill before going to our mutual friends' kids' baseball game and had never been in the local joint. We belly up to the bar, get one beer and strike up a conversation with Mr. Superdad. Turns out his kid is in a little league also but he is with the mom this weekend. He missed his kid and asked if he could tag along to the game with us. Seems like a super nice guy, so he comes with us. Easy to get along with, simple kind of guy, kid friendly...we hit it off. We end up dating through October, even went to Disneyland once and ended up doing the pumpkin patch and trick or treating together with his kid and my friends' kids. I didn't want to get the kid involved until way later, but it was important for him so I went with it. I didn't know the rules of dating a guy with a kid, it was new territory. Things were going fairly smooth except the kid was a little bit of a terror. He was 5 years old and the more time I spent with him and the kid together, the more I saw his parenting style and I was not a fan. This self proclaimed Super Dad was more of a Big Brother. I am not one to judge parenting styles but what I saw I knew I wouldn't want. The kid was rough, didn't listen well, lacked manners of a kid his age. I knew I couldn't say anything to Mr. Superdad so when he started to get super clingy and jealous, it was my way out all together. He lived with his mom, he had no real career (The place he worked at actually closed about a week after I ended it). He was one of those "nice guys" but not for me types. He wanted me to ask his permission when I wanted to hang with my friends rather than with him. I cannot be with someone that controlling.
Mr. Four Seasons
In March of this year I actually met a guy in real life by chance; at the Four Seasons on a girls day trip to the spa and lounge for my best friends birthday. It was the first of March, actually and he was a perfect gentleman. While we did carry our conversation up to my room after the bar closed, we talked until 4am and when he finally leaned in for a kiss, I snarkely said "FINALLY!". When we fell asleep, Mr. Four Seasons slept above the covers and everything. The next morning he realized his friends had totally ditched him so he decided to go with us to a brunch we had planned already. After brunch, I still had "custody" of Mr. Four Seasons and stopped at my parents house for a quick greeting; he went along for the ride, very easy going and was very polite. I eventually took him home but he wanted to take me to dinner that same evening.
We dated for about 40 days before I called it off.
He was VERY busy with work, playing softball and coaching a sports team. We didn't do anything but watch movies or TV; he had warned me at the very beginning but I didn't think it would be as bad as it was. He was exhausted and when we found time together, it was his down time and he just wanted to veg out. I totally get it but I need more at the beginning of a relationship. It was as if we had been together for years already and already in that boring lull of normal life. I don't want that when the guy is suppose to be winning me over. I was bored and frustrated. If I was going to be bored, I wanted to at least have the title of girlfriend but he wasn't willing to label it until he could show me the "real" him once the sports season was over. After 40 days I told him that I really liked him but for him to contact me once he was ready to really have a relationship. I don't want to waste my time and I don't want to be the girl he wastes time with either.
Now that the sports season is coming close to ending, Mr. Four Seasons has been talking to me more but I don't know if we are on the same page still. He is almost 5 years younger then me and while he is a really sweet guy I am still not sure it will pan out for the two of us together. His passion for sports is stronger than it is for me.
I've been on many other dates in the past year, but these are the two that really stood out.
5/7/2014: And.....Still Single and Tindering
It's been well over a year since my last post and while not much has happened in my life romantically, work and friend life have been very busy. I am in a good place (relatively speaking) and happy, for the most part. I am still missing that someone special to share all the love I have inside but I have been learning a lot about myself. While I will not be writing about the last year of dating (mostly because there really hasn't been much to speak of), I will be trying to write more on the current dates; or rather, MEET UP'S as they are now being called. A woman doesn't even get the dignity any longer of being taken out on a date!
I joined TINDER; the new way young singles are meeting through an iPhone app, after being on a dull date with a guy who mentioned he had just joined. Before the date was even over, I had the app downloaded on my phone. It is like the old HOT OR NOT website back in the late 90s/early 00's. You choose your location radius, age range and then view pictures. You select to "NOPE" or "LIKE" someone and if you both "LIKE" each other, it's a MATCH and you can then choose to communicate via text through the app. I currently have over 590 matches and I am sure I have "NOPE"'d over 2000 at this point. Some people use the app as a vanity, self satisfaction or as a way to waste time. Others use it for just hook ups, booty calls or whatever you crazy kids call it these days. Then there are others, like myself who seem to be using the app as an actual means of meeting real potentials. I've learned a lot from the app already, such as what "DTF" means...I have also been on a bunch of decent dates with relatively nice guys. I've seen more "action" (so to speak) from this app than the other dating sites I had been on in the past such as OKCupid.com, POF, even Match.com. There is more of a weeding out process and the app is a little buggy at times but overall, I like the simplicity.
Sure, it's a little shallow but aren't we just as shallow at a bar? You glance across the room and if you think someone is attractive, you try to make eye contact. If it is mutual, you go over and strike up a conversation, right? The app isn't much different.
With standard dating websites you are given too many details up front. They shove every aspect of the person's life in your face and in the safety of your own home, you are left to judge every aspect of the person's life; without having any prior knowledge of the stories or personality traits that are behind the decisions that brought that person to the point they are in now. You have facts, a resume but yet you know nothing of the actual person. I found that I was passing up guys just because of their height or location or education level. None of that is really far but since I was given the option to judge, I did. While any of the above could come up in conversation via text, it isn't just blatantly given, therefore a conversation has to at least start in order for those questions to be answered which in turn already gives you something to open the lines of communication with rather than just passing up an opportunity.
I joined TINDER; the new way young singles are meeting through an iPhone app, after being on a dull date with a guy who mentioned he had just joined. Before the date was even over, I had the app downloaded on my phone. It is like the old HOT OR NOT website back in the late 90s/early 00's. You choose your location radius, age range and then view pictures. You select to "NOPE" or "LIKE" someone and if you both "LIKE" each other, it's a MATCH and you can then choose to communicate via text through the app. I currently have over 590 matches and I am sure I have "NOPE"'d over 2000 at this point. Some people use the app as a vanity, self satisfaction or as a way to waste time. Others use it for just hook ups, booty calls or whatever you crazy kids call it these days. Then there are others, like myself who seem to be using the app as an actual means of meeting real potentials. I've learned a lot from the app already, such as what "DTF" means...I have also been on a bunch of decent dates with relatively nice guys. I've seen more "action" (so to speak) from this app than the other dating sites I had been on in the past such as OKCupid.com, POF, even Match.com. There is more of a weeding out process and the app is a little buggy at times but overall, I like the simplicity.
Sure, it's a little shallow but aren't we just as shallow at a bar? You glance across the room and if you think someone is attractive, you try to make eye contact. If it is mutual, you go over and strike up a conversation, right? The app isn't much different.
With standard dating websites you are given too many details up front. They shove every aspect of the person's life in your face and in the safety of your own home, you are left to judge every aspect of the person's life; without having any prior knowledge of the stories or personality traits that are behind the decisions that brought that person to the point they are in now. You have facts, a resume but yet you know nothing of the actual person. I found that I was passing up guys just because of their height or location or education level. None of that is really far but since I was given the option to judge, I did. While any of the above could come up in conversation via text, it isn't just blatantly given, therefore a conversation has to at least start in order for those questions to be answered which in turn already gives you something to open the lines of communication with rather than just passing up an opportunity.
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