If rules are meant to be broken, are we just putting them there as a safety net or an excuse for when things go wrong?
I am a firm believer in the no sex on a first date rule, however I think if I were to meet the right guy that I was overwhelmingly attracted to, I could see myself possibly breaking this rule.
As a result however I don't think a serious relationship would blossom after such a trist because men are pigs and usually wouldn't call once the prize had been won. (In rare cases I am aware that it can happen but I am speaking generally.)
I always thought that having sex too early on would ruin the possibility of a real meaningful relationship, it never crossed my mind that NOT having sex early on could have the same effect.
Last night I went on a first date with Mr. S...we chatted over text for about a week before making dinner plans on a Friday night. We were both up front and totally honest with facts about ourselves and the dinner was comfortable and nice. We shared a similar sense of humor which is huge for me. He kept me laughing and once dinner was over we sat in my car for awhile while we digested the food and more personal info about each other. We decided neither one of us were ready to end the night so choosing the seediest, closest bar, we go to people watch and for a cheap cocktail. Throughout the night I was VERY clear that I do not get physical with a man until I am comfortable in a dating relationship with him. All be it the conversations we were having did turn somewhat sexual, I made my stance very clear. I explained that I feel moving too fast can ruin a good thing before it starts and the importance to me to get to know someone personally before taking the step to get to know them physically. He seemed to understand and be on the same page.
Once we were over the scene at the bar, we decided to go back to my place for a movie and more drinks in a safer environment.
Usually going back to a house to watch a movie is code for some sexy time but I again made it very clear to him and he seemed on the same page with me. Once we got to my place, he picked out a movie and we sat on my bed (above the covers, fully clothed) and started to watch 'knocked up'.
Now, even IF the possibility of sex was on the table, what guy would choose knocked up? Because of his movie choice I felt confident that he fully understood my no sex on a first date rule. Well, my friend...I was wrong!
He went in for the first kiss and I allowed it. It was nice in fact. Then he started to get handsy. I had to swat, block, grab and replace his hand placement numerous times. He started to lean into his kisses harder to reposition me at which point I had to pull away completely and re declare my stance on physical relationships...yet again! I am not that girl. I am a good girl. To which he responded that while he heard me all night, my body was telling him something else. He found me to be very sexual and irresistible and he couldn't help himself.
What that just told me is that he wasn't listening to me, didn't respect me and just saw me as a sexual object.
He finally asked me what I wanted from the evening. "A nice, innocent first date!" And his reply was 'fine, night!' Without so much as a hug or even a glance back, he was out the door and in his car.
What is so wrong about an innocent first date? We are so groomed to getting instant gratification and there are too many women willing to give it up right away that men are conditioned to thinking a woman doesn't like him unless she is willing to get physical.
Maybe they are right?
Maybe something was just missing, making it hard for me to go there with him, like intuition or a gut feeling; something stopped me. On the surface he was a great guy. Perfect on paper kind. I had a good time and would have gone out with him again. There was something brewing though just under the surface; insecurities and anxieties I think that could cause issues down the road. I've been the insecure one before and delt with a guy with major anxiety issues. From our conversations he was also very sexual so the combination could be desastorous to his mental status, either way!
It was a lot to take in and I didn't want to go there. I would hope that if a guy really likes you for you he would respect your decision even if it wouldn't be his decision. He would make you feel comfortable and confident and at least pretend like he thought it was the right choice for the two of you.
When Mr. S left so abruptly I had felt ashamed and like an emotional slut. I had given him all of me; layed out all that I was and all that I hoped for verbally and he pretended to listen, all just in the hopes that I would allow him to also use me physically. He didn't respect me. He heard me but didn't listen. His argument was that he didn't need sex, a BJ would suffice...really?! What is the world coming to when a guy feels he can justify such a statement to a date?? What happened to romance and getting to know someone first? What happened to dating? When did hooking up become the norm? Maybe there should be a rule book in place so that everyone is playing the same game. I feel like I am playing gin rummy while everyone else is playing kinect. I may be old fashioned but someday a man will appreciate that, I hope.
Or perhaps I need to find the guy that makes me want to break the rule.
The perfect guy would respect me and my rule and while I'd want to break it, would keep me on course and not allow me to break it! ;)
He is out there, somewhere.
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