Self Realizations: Part 1

Abandonment Issues

I never thought or wanted to be a victim of anything, let alone a mental issue! Once a friend pointed out that she recently realized she had severe abandonment issues herself, it got me thinking. We both had similarities in how we were raised and grew up. After our conversation I looked online at the symptoms and characteristics of a person with abandonment issues and I "passed" the test with flying colors. 

Since I was 11, there has been an amazing male role model and dad in my life. My past was just that and I didn't think about it often. I never considered myself to have "daddy-issues" or any issues from the way I was raised. My mom did everything she could for us and I think considering the circumstances, I had an amazing childhood. Sure, I was a latch-key kid and there were problems with my real father but I felt normal(ish). Never once as an adult did I think I had any emotional scaring or baggage that would lead me to issues with dating or men. Everyone has their issues and baggage and I didn't think I was any more damaged then the next person.

The moment I realized I actually did have deep down issues and was more damaged than the normal person, I tried to examine my dating life in a new perspective to find what it was that was keeping me from finding my Mr. Right and making terrible choices.

A big one is that I don't feel I deserve a really amazing guy. I want to think I know that I DO deserve but deep down I know I feel like I don't. That wasn't confusing or anything, was it? LOL

I always think that the good ones will find me too damaged eventually so I leave before they have the oppurtunity to.

I stay in bad relationships far too long because I think I can fix them! If I stay in a little longer, it will somehow magically heal me inside because it would be a metaphor to fix my abandonment problems. Like, I wasn't able to fix my biological father from abandoning me/us but if I could fix this relationship without it ending or me pulling out, all would be fixed.  It might not be with the best guy but it has been with guys I felt I deserved.

Its tough to examine yourself and your bad dating habits! To make realizations and say them out loud...I do believe it is just step 1 into making real changes and creating new habits that are healthier. Just a few days into my cleanse and already I am feeling like I am making progress.....