I enjoy writing lists; for everything! From a simple grocery list to packing lists for trips, favorite karaoke songs to sing, timelines for parties, etc. I realized I have a problem however when I had to start writing out a list of the guys I was talking to in order to keep track. I had their names, their phone numbers and any information that would allow me to remember who was who, such as age, location, job or a physical trait that I remembered. This past Friday I had a current list of 20 men. 5 had been crossed out as potentials that week after I had met and realized there was nothing worth considering long term. I left work on Friday with 15 still on the list.
The last 2 guys I had met up with knew upfront my stand on getting too physical too quickly and both had still tried to make a pass and made me uncomfortable. This only increased my thoughts that men on the dating sites were only after one thing, even if they pretended they were on the same page! Even the ones I had met that said they were looking for a relationship had only shown their true colors after a few dates and ended up being emotionally damaged, incapable of having a relationship OR creepy/stalker types.
I also made the realization that I wasn't dating to find a potential life mate either, but once again dating for just entertainment. I was bored and had grown even more jaded and picky. It was a numbers game at this point in my life and I was in such a hurry to obtain as many names/numbers as possible in a desperate hope to just get attention and to fill in my down time with something to do in order to not look at the real problem(s) in my own life.
It wasn't even online dating anymore, but an even more convenient, take with you anywhere APP. We don't even call it an application, but abbreviate it to APP; our conversations are abbreviated and we have become lazy with our dating. There is a problem here. I need to change something in my life, become more active in my choosing a mate and not allowing my life to be ruined by apps and lists. I need to take a step away from the online and app dating in order to find myself again and pin point my own issues as to why I may be so picky, jaded or not allowing myself to really get serious about finding Mr. Right.
After a long conversation with my bestie, we decided to DELETE the apps and the profiles and get OFF THE GRID for awhile. There is no one on those sites that I would actually find myself falling in love with; everyone is on there for different reasons but finding a life long, real deal love seems to not be one of them. I've had many many experiences and I am glad I did it but it is time to let love find me. We are giving it 3 months with no online or app meeting/dating; she doesn't think I can make it.
What will become of my dating life while off the grid? Is it even possible in this day and age? They say everyone is online now and if you want to meet anyone, you have to be as well. I believed this to be true for too many years now and the only 2 guys in the last year that lasted more then 2 dates had been with men I met randomly in real life. This tells me that it is still possible and I need to explore this old school option if I want to find a man with old school morals and characteristics that I want. I need to re-examine myself; what I want, why I do what I do, etc. This experiment seems even stranger than my 100 dates in a year thing for some reason, and it shouldn't. I almost feel like I am embarking on a juice cleanse or fasting. Kind of makes sense because I am hoping I will come out of this stronger and healthier (in myself and in dating)
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