2/27/10: Mr. Double Personality/Mr. Shy Guy

Saturday

Location: Crown & Anchor/Denny's

While meeting a girlfriend at Crown after a night of Pirate Adventure with other friends, I saw Mr. Double Personality also sitting at the bar with his friends. A coincidence, not a planned meeting. Once the bar closed and I said my goodbyes to my girlfriend, Mr. Double Personality offered to take me "out" to Denny's. Still wide awake, I agreed, more out of boredom than anything. We sat and talked for hours at Denny's about random, tipsy whatnot. Getting sleepy, I looked at my phone to realize it was nearly 4am! Granted we arrived around 2am, but still, looking at a clock that reads 4am is always a shocker! Right before we left, I recognized a guy from my past coming out of the restroom and stopped him. I had gone to middle and high school with him, had a small crush on him but back then he was SUPER shy! If I had been on a real date, I wouldnt ever call over someone like I did...but the conversation was lacking and I was feeling frisky. It was a very quick hey, how you doing and I introduced the guys to one another. Mr. Shy Guy grew up nicely and seemed ripped and confident (without  seemingly cocky) I gave Mr. Shy Guy a little look, and obviously he caught on because he found me on facebook that night and left a message. We are having dinner next Saturday.
Mr. Double Personality still wants to take me out on a real date and I believe the Melting Pot (fondue) is in our future. Mr. Double Personality is too little/skinny for me, but like I said before, a chance to sing karaoke with someone who can actually sing is enough to keep him around a little bit longer!....He is moving to Nashville anyhow, so obviously nothing will "happen" with him! 
2 more dates lined up for this week or next...successful night, I'd say.

The Rules To Online Dating: Chapter 2, Initiating Conact

Do it!
Be the first one to contact..you're the man.
 
"Are you DTF?"
"You into hookups?"
"Want to cuddle?"

All these "openers" mean the same thing and are not appropriate conversation starters. I get it if you are looking for nothing more than a one night stand and you have the confidence of the computer/internet to be able to play the numbers game like no other time in history, but before you hit up a girl, make sure she is not a woman. Signs that she is a woman will include, or rather NOT include a selfie in front of a mirror in a bikini. She will have a well read, thought out paragraph on her online dating profile that may in fact include the fact that she is NOT looking for random hookups. If you had taken a moment to read what she had to say before hitting her up, you might have played things out a little different, or not at all! Too many boys are hiding behind the internet, trying lines and openers they would never in their wildest dreams or drunken binges try in real life! I guess they are figuring if tried out on 20 girls and 1 says yes, they have won. It depends on what it is you are looking for tho guys! Do you REALLY want that one girl that actually is DTF with a stranger from a dating website?

If you really want to start up a conversation with a woman, try reading her profile and ask a question regarding something she said on it. This shows real interest and reading skills that woman find attractive ;)
Simple questions and compliments work best, fellas! Try "You have a great smile, where are you from?" That is, if the dating site or app you are using does not give specific city location.Do not JUST compliment. Chances are, the woman receives many compliments and your's either has to stand out as unique or be combined with a question that she has to answer.

Another starter that works on me most of the time is humor. It better be good or SO SUPER CHEESY that it makes me laugh; I might make fun of you but that's the point; to start a conversation! The way to a mans heart may be food but it is humor that feeds a woman. 

If you are matched up with a woman, MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! In this day and age where the art of chivalry have all but vanished, a woman still likes a man to be man, believe it or not! 9 out of 10 times I have had to start the conversation on dating sites. This saddens me because you are already at a disadvantage and more than likely will not be given a real shot. You're going to have to dig your way out of not being the one to initiate contact!

Bar Etiquette

This is an old post from 2006 on my "King's Things" Blog, thought it was still relevant, so posting here!

Okay...so everyone knows the bar scene is nothin but bad pick up lines and drunken good times, right?...well there are some things everyone should know. Here are some bar etiquette tips...

BAR BASICS

What to look for in a bar: 

* Signs of a good bar include lots of people, reasonably priced and strong drinks, places to sit so that you don't have to stand the whole night, and a noise level that allows conversation.  Extra points if it's spacious enough so that it can accommodate more than a handful of patrons and if it has enough different areas that you can escape particularly offensive clientele when need be.  While seedy is good, it should not be so shady that you suspect the guy sitting next to you could be a child molester. (ie:SIMI...Helen gets it!)

* If you hear an ad for it on the radio, stay far, far away.

* It must have quality bathrooms, and plenty of them, so you don't spend your whole evening waiting in line.  Any establishment with a cologne, perfume, or French tickler dispenser in the bathroom is to be avoided.

* Don't ignore the importance of lighting.  It shouldn't be so dark that you make a horrible, horrible mistake.

* If something is a chain establishment, run for your life.(Unless you have no other choice in your sleepy little town)

* "Ladies night" is a big fat no-no ... unless you're broke and have no choice

What You Need to Know About Drinks:
* Making friends with the bartender will ensure you a high level of service and possibly a cheaper one.  Tipping is key. 

* Do not drink anything with an umbrella, unless you're on or within ten yards of a beach.

* No body shots once you're out of college.

Miscellaneous:

* Know when to listen to your friends--they're always going to know better than you regarding your level of intoxication and your bad bar behavior.  Listening to them will up your chances of not making a fool of yourself.

* If you see that your friend is trapped in conversation with somone and is shooting you desperate looks, don't pretend you don't notice.

* Know when to stay home: Many an unpleasant night has begun because one tries to go out when in reality one actually needs to stay in by oneself with a good book and a relaxing bath.   Just because it is a Friday or Saturday night, one is not obligated to go out.  If you're not in the mood, do your friends a favor and stay in.  (However, if you have already made plans, you need to suck it up, go, and be cheerful about it.  If you need to duck out early, that's fine, but "early" means midnight or anytime there after.)

* Regarding double-booking:  Don't do it.

PLAYBOOK FOR THE GENTS

* Unless you are at a hostess bar, buying a girl a drink does not mean you have bought her attention. (Although, girls should not accept drinks from men with whom they are not interested in conversing.)

* Girls make it obvious if they want you to approach. Signs include:

• prolonged eye contact
• hair flipping
• intentional body contact (positive, not hostile)
  

 * I cannot overemphasize the importance of making eye contact before you approach a girl at a bar.  If you successfully pull off several instances of mutual eye contact with a girl (slightly longer than what you'd get if you accidentally locked eyes while scanning the room; it must be clearly intentional on each side), it's virtually guaranteed that you will not be shot down if you approach.  (All girls know to avoid prolonged eye contact with boys in whom they are not interested.)  If you approach a girl without first testing the waters this way, you do so at your own risk

* When approaching a girl, DO NOT use anything that may be construed as being a line.

* If you continue to be interested as the conversation develops, DO NOT only talk about yourself.  She wants to at least have the illusion that you are interested in something besides sex and would like to get to know her as a person.

* When you approach a girl whom you don't know, she is well aware that you are, at least initially, talking to her solely because you find her physically attractive.  Hence, comments focusing on how attractive you find her to be are stating the obvious and often irritating.  The point of the conversation is not to reiterate the fact that you find her attractive and would like to sleep with her (your approach already communicated that), but rather to establish some form of additional  connection.

* If you are not invited but choose to try to talk to a girl anyway, she may not want to talk to you. Respect this and be alert to signs that this is the case. If she does not want to talk to you, she will signal this by any of the following signs:  

• looking around the bar at other people
• excusing herself to find her friends, go to the bathroom, or go to another bar (do not follow her; this is STALKING)
• suddenly mentioning a boyfriend
• giving the shortest possible answers to your questions, especially using the word "neat-o."

If you realize that a girl   doesn't want to talk to you, do not be offended but politely and quickly   excuse yourself.

* If you suspect a girl is trying to get rid of you, do not say, "Are you trying to get rid of me?"  This is unacceptable and forces her to either be rude to you or lie.

* Do not buy any flowers from the flower man.  You do not want any girl who wants them.

* You may not grab any part of a strange girl's body.

* If you take her number, call. If you don't want to call her, don't ask for her number.

* When at an establishment that has people sitting and standing, make sure that your ass/dick are not in someone's face.

* If a girl wants you to kiss her, and she's smart, she will make it obvious.  Signs include: staring at your lips, initiating body contact, leaving pauses in the conversation that would provide ample opportunity for you to move in, maintaining a lot of eye contact, and positioning herself in a way that will provide ease of access.

* If you try to kiss her and she turns her head so that the kiss lands on her cheek, this is a crucial sign that you must not ignore (as seen numerous times on "Blind Date").  Do not repeat your attempt.

* If you hook up with someone and want to see that person again, call within 24-48 hours after the initial hook-up.

* Facial hair can be attractive, but stubble, a stand-alone mustache, and/or a soul patch are never acceptable.

* No visual violations, please!

LESSONS FOR THE LADIES

* Do not be the girl who can only have fun if there are potential hook-ups in the bar-- the girl who can't have fun on her own, simply enjoying the company of her friends.  If you only enjoy going out because of the possibility of attracting the attention of men, you just shouldn't be going out to bars.  Your bad attitude is ruining the evening for your friends, and they're too polite to tell you.

* Do not be the screaming girl.  Lower your goddamn voice.

* If you find yourself approached by a boy in whom you are not interested, you must handle the situation politely but firmly.  Note that not handling it at all is not an option; you may not act as if he's not standing there trying to talk to you (this is mean), but you also may not allow yourself to get sucked in to spending the whole night talking to someone you don't want to be speaking to.  Acceptable options for signaling that you do not wish to pursue the conversation include:

• encouraging him to relocate, by asking questions like "Where are your friends?  Do you need to find them?"  or "Where are you going next?"  (make sure not to go there)  or
• relocating yourself, by excusing yourself to get a new drink, go to the bathroom, or find your friends.

* Learn the difference between lust and love.

* Do not accept a drink from a boy to whom you do not intend to talk.

* It is only acceptable to take part in a public bachelorette party at a bar if it is not screamingly obvious to any of the bar's other patrons what is going on, i.e., the bride may not wear her veil, and sex toys are not to be carried around.  This behavior is not cute; it is obnoxious. There are many other places you can go to flaunt yourself- these places are not bars. Go to City Walk and be annoying!

* Boys are not prizes.  Hang out with a boy because you like his personality, you like the sex, or he makes you laugh--not because you are lonely and want someone to play "boyfriend" for you.

* Be conscious of bathroom etiquette.  If you are in a small bathroom and there is a line to get in or to use the sink, perhaps someone's ability to wash their hands is a bit more important than the reapplication of your lipliner.

* A warning:  While I applaud the courageous girls who venture into the germ-ridden, urine-smelling boys' bathroom, be aware that some bars will reward your ingenuity by throwing you out.  If this happens to you, complain to the manager and never visit that establishment again.

BEWARE!

While out and about, you will occasionally encounter the Attached Flirt.  Part egomaniac, part insecure little boy, and all asshole, the Attached Flirt has a girlfriend, but he leaves her at home so he can prowl bars in search of validation of his masculinity.  He will spend hours flirting with a girl with no intention of follow-through, solely to stroke his own ego and feed his pathetic fantasies that he's living in American Pie.  He may also flirt under false pretenses; i.e., flirting with a girl for the sole purpose of then trying to hook his friends up with her.  This, of course, is pimping and is illegal.

MORE RULES:

* If you want to ask someone out, just do it. Stop fucking around.

* Don't say you are going to call if you aren't. Instead say, "That was nice.  Bye."

* Operate at all times as if everyone has caller ID.

* If you get voicemail when you call, you must leave a message.  Do not ramble on and on; be concise.  Leave your name and number and be done with it.

* If you have called twice (and left messages) without receiving a call back, you are being rejected (or s/he is out of town and should not return to an answering machine full of messages from you).  Do not keep calling.

* No sour grapes when it looks like your friend is hooking up and you're upset that you're not.

* No dance rape, especially of the anal variety. You know what I mean.

* If you are having sex with someone, you are entitled to their professional services for free, whether it be masseuse, chef, web design, etc.  If they try to charge you, this is a bad sign.


* There is a time and a place to be a slut.  In the middle of the dance floor, on the pool table, or seated at the bar are not those times.  Excessive public fondling is greatly discouraged.

*If you get up from the bar at any point in the night and are going to be returning (Ie: you went to the bathroom or outside for a smoke)...PLEASE tell someone around you and leave a sweater or something behind on the chair-or tilt the chair against the bar so people know. And if you are the friend saving the seat- don't be an ass. Tell the person trying to sit there that the seat is taken. On another note: if you do not KNOW the person who left the bar and they are further then 3 seats down, it is not your obligation to play seat saver!

* Finally... If you're looking for a long-term, meaningful relationship, why are you looking in a bar?

The Non-Relationship Relationship

The non-relationship relationship is characterized by an understanding, spoken or unspoken, that it's just about the hook-up and nothing more.   The non-relationship relationship is not a relationship.  Stop acting like it is.  This means that if you're just hooking up, recognize it for what it is...and if you can't deal with that, get the fuck out of dodge.

(On the other hand, you also need to know how to figure out if it's a non-relationship relationship or if it's moving toward something more.  While it's fine to attempt to transition the non-relationship relationship into something more serious, you must proceed with the utmost attention to the signs you're getting from the other person re: whether they're open to such a transition.)

Boys are just as guilty of misunderstanding this as girls are.

The Rules of Attraction

Ya, ya, ya, physical appearance shouldn't be a big deal.  That's very nice and all, and I'm not asking that you spend three hours to get ready or tons of money on your Air Jordans, but you've got to recognize that the way you choose to present yourself to the world says something, and you should be sure you're not inadvertently sending a message you don't intend.
(this includes but is not limited to girls dressing in ity bity skirts and/or low cut tops. If you wear this crap and get sexually harrassed, it is your own damn fault. Don't complain at the kind of attention you attract. You dress like a slut, and you will be treated as one)

(And by the way, no matter what you look like, confidence is required in order to attract others.  This is something of a self-fulfilling prophecy; if you don't think you can get laid, you won't.)

So please take a goddamn shower, as well as following the rest of these tips to maximize your appeal:

* Do not wear anything that is two or more fads at once, such as an asymmetrical cammo print top or floral sparkle capris.

* Do wear a cowboy hat only if there is a mechanical bull in the establishment at which you are drinking.

* When going out in a group, coordinate sufficiently so that you don't look like either a herd of black tanks or blue dress shirts.
* Boys: Unless you are a time traveler from 1984, you may not flip up your collar.  I am sad that this HAS to be said!

* Boys cannot wear sports jerseys after the age of 12 unless they're participating in an actual sporting event.  Not watching, not thinking about.  Participating.

* Do not over use the power of cleavage. Too much is a bad thing. Although when used correctly can be a very powerful tool! (A side note on bras: * Buy the size you are, not the size you want to be

* The seedy local pub is not the place for your little black dress and strappy sandals.

* Do not wear any animal prints or fringe, unless it is Halloween. 

* Sunglasses (including at night, when they are perched on top of your head) and flip-flops are always unacceptable.

* Boys: boxer briefs.

THE REJECTION SECTION

Superficial Rejection:
Superficial rejections are those that are made during brief social encounters with those lobbying for your interest. You must make your lack of interest known politely and quickly, as soon as you are aware of it. Do not be rude, unless you are faced with obnoxious persistence. Here are some tried and true rejection techniques for this sort of situation:

• Quickly excuse yourself from the conversation.
• Mention your boy/girlfriend (even if you don't have one).
• Have a friend save you.  You may find it helpful to have a      prearranged signal for this occasion.
• Simply say that you are flattered, but aren't interested

It is never desirable to be rude, but occasionally you may be left with no other choice.  If you are forced to be rude in your rejection (after first trying one or more of the techniques above):

• Avoid eye contact and refuse further interaction with the perpetrator. Sooner or later s/he should tire and move on to another target.
• Make a call on your cell and loudly discuss how annoyed you are by  the perpetrator's attempts.(my personal fav)
• Tell them bluntly, "Go Away!"

Relationship Rejection:
Sadly, all things must end.  When you're faced with the need to break things off (or to prevent them from ever starting), honesty is the best policy.  This doesn't mean you should shatter the person's ego, but telling the truth about why you're ending things is nicer than lying.  In certain situations, it can also provide a valuable service to the other person; for instance, if it's because the person is self-absorbed or too needy, do him/her a favor and explain the problem.  If things just aren't working out and there's no particular reason why, it's also nicer to state that candidly so that the person doesn't wonder if it's actually about some hideous flaw of his/hers.

However, when you don't feel comfortable or simply don't want to deal with the drama that may result from the unvarnished truth, it is acceptable to fall back on some of the oldies-but-goodies of rejection techniques:

* The blow-off.  The blow-off consists of not returning calls and emails, being unavailable, and letting things die a slow death.  It should be used only for the non-relationship relationship; using it for any type of real relationship is cruel.  Please be aware that while you are putting the blow-off into action, the person being subjected to it may be wondering what the hell is going on, so if you can stomach it, it's better to simply let them know things aren't working out (see above).  However, if you've tried to let them down gently and they aren't taking the hint and continue to subject you to inappropriate advances, it is perfectly acceptable to simply stop contact.

* "It's not you, it's me."  Ultimately, this is always the truth anyway.  S/he may have atrocious body odor, but YOU're the one who can't deal with it... Presto!  It's you, not them.

* "Let's just be friends."  But you should be willing to actually follow through with this, as they may take you at your word.

* "I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now."  This is followed up with an explanation that you are recovering from a bad break-up, having family issues, really busy at work, or just needing "me" time.  (Any or all of this may be true, but we all know that if the right person came along, you'd have no problem with being in a relationship.)

* "I'm trying to work things out with my ex." There's a fifty-fifty chance that this is actually true. Either way, the person's better off without you, because you are either a liar or aren't emotionally available.

If you're the one getting rejected...

*Sucks to be you.

* No sour grapes.  You can bitch afterward to your friends, but in the moment, you must accept the rejection gracefully.

* Don't try to talk the person out of it.  Even if you succeed (not likely), do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

* If you run into the person afterward, you must behave civilly.  This mean no nasty looks, cold shoulder, or catty comments.  Make them to your friends after the person leaves.

Mean What You Say

If you're going to dump someone, know what you're doing and act accordingly.  Don't get all wishy-washy and fuck with their head while you try to decide what you want or run back to them when you discover you miss the attention.

With all of this said...I will no present to you the top 10 what not to do's in the bar...(from a girl's point of view.)

1. Do not ignore a girl if you are interested. If she slips you her number go over and talk to her~don't phone stalk her AFTER she leaves the bar. (oh- and DON'T give her and her friends nicknames-it's weird.)

2. Don't be old and perverted at the bar. If a girl is young enough to be your daughter-go elsewhere. She will just make fun of you later with her girlfriends!

3.If you are truly not gay- DO NOT talk as if you are. This is disturbing.

4. Do not pretend to be interested in a girl if you are already in a relationship. Do not be self absorbed and talk about yourself all night. Do not set your horny friends out to prowl on girls!

5. Do not wait till the girl is walking out of the bar to show your interested. Tell her asap so that you can actually have time to talk to her (if that is she is also interested)

6. If a girl tells you to "GO AWAY" this does not mean come back every 5 minutes to see if she changed her mind. DO NOT grab a girl in any way without first being asked! And DO NOT be obnoxious!

7. Do not pretend we don't know your game. You may be the quiet/shy one, but we know what you all want.

8. Do not be Mr.Cool when in actuality your just a big dork! Be yourself.

9. Do not hit on girls and tell them deep thoughtful things if you do not want a relationship. Girls fall for meaningfulness and if you are so good a girl thinks your for real when looking into your eyes, a girl will fall for you. Then you will have to break it off, which is never fun. Do not do this especially when you live out of state.

10. Do not dress as a superhero for your night out at the bars. It is a shame I have to actually state this.

THE BEST PICK UP LINES I'VE HEARD 

"I didn't know my favorite color until I saw the color of your eyes"
"It's a good thing I have my library card, cause I was checkin' you out!"
"Is it okay if I flirt with you for awhile?"
"Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?"
"Be unique and different, just say yes."
"Im new in town, do you think you could show me around?"
"Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?"
"We would have beautiful children together"
"You would look good on me"
"Whats a nice girl like you doin in a place like this?"
"You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me."
"Do you have a map? Cos Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes."
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
"How was Heaven when you left it?"
"You've made me so nervous that I've totally forgotten my standard pick-up line."
"I lost my phone number, can I have yours?"
"Do you have a boyfriend? (NO) Do you want one?"

FELLAS: Sometimes the girls just want to go out and not be bothered by YOU!...you can give us a compliment and then walk away-thanks!

Leave a comment with a pick up line you've heard/given and checkout my post below on more Pickup Lines!

2/23/10: Mr. Double Personality

Tuesday

Location: Crown & Anchor

Reminding me of a backwards GarthBrooks/Chris Gaines, I met Mr. Double Personality on OkCupid.com a couple days ago after a super cheesy, over the top pickup line including "I'd just like to say you are by far the most gorgeous girl ive ever seen in my whole world....by far..and this is not a line, I swear"...ya, not a line, my ass! HAHAH...However, I was flattered. ;) (Who wouldn't be, right?)
Mr. Double Personality and I wrote back and forth a couple of times and once I learned he was leaving for Nashville due to a country recording contract soon, I agreed to meet up as friends who love music since he was so local and seemed to know people I know. It was innocent since we both knew he was leaving and not looking to get into a relationship. Totally casual on a Tuesday evening, we met at a local watering hole for some food and a drink. 
Upon first meeting Mr. Double Personality I was not at all attracted. I purchased myself a beer at the bar just before he arrived and in my mind was giving him 5 minutes only before I slipped out he back door.
He was not at all as he appeared on his profile. On his profile he came across as a down to earth Cowboy with mid-west values. In person he appeared much more LA/rock and had stonner eyes. LOL
He talked about his old rock band, his famous friends...including Brianna Bank (the porn star), his current country recording contract, all of which was suppose to impress me. It seemed much more like a date date then we first discussed, with talks about family, past life experiences etc. 
The more time went on, the more he seemed to appeal to me. He was a very nice guy with a seemingly good heart, but just wrong execution at first. I didnt even know his real name until half way through out night. He has a stage name he uses for his country singing....I think once he realized I am not the typical LA girl who is impressed with money and names he backed off a little and got more real with me. I even found out he was offered a job at my company awhile back but he had turned it down since it wasn't enough money for him...but that means he is smart, artistic and musical...
Once we finished our drink I called it a night, but not before making a new friend and planning a karaoke night for the future. (It will be nice to sing with someone who can actually sing!..I am kind of excited about that! haha)
As we were leaving,  we realized we were both going to the same apartment complex- he was meeting friends for poker (He doesn't have any full time job and lives off money left by family members and what he makes from the recording contract)...and I was going to bed...since he didnt drive (he likes to walk everywhere he can or take taxi's...I am not entirely sure if he has a car although he said he does, 2), I gave him a ride but didn't point out which apartment was mine, just to be safe! ;)
Not a romantic connection, but a nice guy after he shed the BS! LOL

Pickup Lines

Guys...if you are going to be using a pickup line, you need to be in the right mentality and be able to scope out the girl in the bar with a sense of humor! DO NOT USE A PICKUP LINE if you are trying to be serious or on a girl who looks like she has a good backhand!

I love getting pickup lines and then crushing the guy back with some wit, but if you have enough gusto to come up to me, at least be original. I will give you kudos if you can make me laugh! A pickup line, although super cheesy, can be used as a conversation starter if you do it right!

Here are a few lines I have ACTUALLY heard from guys:

*I still haven't caught your name, pretty face

*I didn't know my favorite color until I saw your eyes

*I would like to make love to your face

*Dude, I think I just fell in love

*I'm very impressed with your posture

*I challenge you to a thumb war!

*Does this smell like chloroform to you? (holding napkin)

*Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world? 

*Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for
Christmas. 

*I'm sorry, were you talking to me? (Me: "No") Then please start!

*You look a LOT like my ex

*Apart from being hot, what do you do for a living?

*Is that shirt felt? (Me: "No") Would you like it to be?

*Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

*Hello, I just came over to give you the satisfaction of turning me down in person...

*Hi, I'm Mr. Right Now, someone said you were looking for me.

*Wow, I could get lost in those eyes of yours!

*What does it feel like to be the most beautiful woman in the room?

*I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

*Kiss me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Susan? (Me lying: Wow, it IS Susan!...guess no kiss then)
 

The Rules To Online Dating: Chapter 1, Dating Profiles

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2/20/10: Mr. Baby Face

Saturday

Location: Lazy Dog Cafe/Sunset Terrace

After a day with family and friends at a low-key, non alcoholic BBQ, I got a text from Mr. Baby Face asking to meet up for drinks. Since I had no other plans, he was a good guy in the past and I was in need of a cocktail, I decide to meet up locally for a drink. It has been since December since I have seen this guy, so it was almost like he was starting all over with me.
He snagged a couple chairs next to a fire pit outside the restaurant and I join him in the awkward 20 minutes with forced conversations about work and general life since we last spoke. I don't remember him looking so much like a Leonardo DiCaprio/Seth Macfarlene mix last time, but he lacks the wit, charm, humor and sexiness I imagine them both to have.
My sister then texts me that she is right down the street. I invite her and her boyfriend over to join us in some drinks. ( This, mind you was not setup as a "DATE", but rather a chance to grab a couple drinks only. )  I honestly don't think I could have lasted the evening without her and her boyfriend!! I may have gotten up to use the rest room and left if it hadn't been for the fact the door of the restaurant was in clear view from the outside patio where we were seated, and the fact I am a good person on the outside. lol
He was so quiet and so boring. Granted, throwing family in on the mix when a guy may be trying to work his "magic" may not have been the easiest challenge I could have given him, but my dream guy would be ready for anything and be able to hold a conversation no matter the company. This guy, definitely not him. He did offer to pay for the drinks- the check came to under $25, which was nice- but it sort of defeats the purpose if you announce you just paid when you lean in for a kiss...(which he was denied of because of this fact)
We say goodbye to my sister and her boyfriend and head over to another local drinking hole since Mr. Baby Face begged me to not end the night yet. He wanted some alone time with me...which WAS sweet of him to ask for, even though he should have made his intentions clear from the beginning and when I was texting my sister earlier in the night.
We arrive at the Sunset Terrace, belly up to the bar, order 2 drinks (1 each) and head outside to avoid the crowds. Immediately I see 2 people from my past, say our hellos and introductions of friends and dates, then notice a friend of a friend who looks oddly familiar....
Back when I was 15, I met an older waiter at Sizzler while dining with my family. This guy had given me his phone number and he had come to my home to pick me up for our one and only date. We ended up making out back then (This was before I was picky and perhaps the beginning of my woes) and then I never saw him again.
This guy was standing in front of me now after 13 years. Let's call him Mr. Sizzler, since I don't know all that much about him now. Oddly, Mr. Sizzler remembered me and even more details from our date way back when then I. He was amazed I recognized him and his enthusiasm for the randomness spilled over into our night. The alone time Mr. Baby Face was looking for never did come! We ended up talking to Mr. Sizzler the entire night as he refused to leave the conversation and both Mr. Baby Face and I are too nice to ask him to move away from us. The place was crowded and in order to talk we had to be outside- with the only working heater being where we were and where Mr. Sizzler and his friends were, we were stuck. Mr. Baby Face was able to carry on a conversation with Mr. Sizzler, so much so that at one point Mr. Baby Face handed Mr. Sizzler his phone for something and somehow he knew where to look to grab my phone number all covertly, because on my way home I receive a call from Mr. Sizzler who says he stole my number!
Mr. Baby Face was doing the arm around my shoulder thing all night as to mark his "territory" or something. I kept trying to re-position myself so he couldn't bring me in, but he never got the hint! He kept doing it, even when we were walking to the cars..I HATE THAT!
I had said my goodbyes to Mr. Baby Face who was still, after our night out at two locations being a bust for him and his attempted alone time failed miserably, was trying to get me to invite him over to my apartment to watch a movie. At this point it was 1am and I was tired...well, tired of him and his boring ass! He leaned in for a kiss, stuck his tongue out, trying to get me to reciprocate at which time I turn my cheek. Hopefully he got the point, but I am not certain as I have denied him before and he continues to call.....
Why must I be so irresistible? LMAO! j/k!
What is the right way to gently turn someone down when the chemistry is one sided?

Q&A Round 1

So, my posts have been a favorite among friends and acquaintances for a couple months, and I have received many questions, which I feel are substantial enough to include in my blog, so here we go...

Q: Where on earth are you meeting these guys at?

A: Most from online dating sites. Currently I am on gooddatela.com and okcupid.com. I was on plentyoffish.com for one day before they closed my account for (still) unknown reasons, even after three other attempts.


Q: Why don't you try more crediable sites like match or eharmony?
A: I am cheap. I don't feel I am at a point in my life (yet) to have to PAY to get a date. I want to meet mr. right but not at $29.99/month. The man of my dreams wouldn't need that sort of site either! Ideally, I wouldn't meet someone online- I am hoping that through my experiences I somehow link up with someone who knows someone or spot the love of my life somewhere randomly and exchange numbers the old fashioned way...This online dating is new to me and is a way to keep my options and mind open to people I wouldn't have the chance to meet in my daily life. You never know, right?


Q: Why do you feel it necessary that the guy pay for the first date?
A: I am an old fashioned girl when it comes to guys and I feel like a guy should WANT to impress a girl and WANT to pay for the first date. I don't expect steak and lobster on a first date and I feel I am really simple to please...buy me a hot tea at Starbucks or an appetizer and drink on happy hour prices, and I'm happy.


Q: Why don't you give some of these guys a 2nd chance? First dates can be really awkward and not a great indicator of who the guy really is.
A: I agree that a first date can be awkward, however after the first date you know whether or not you like someone. If I know a 2nd date will just end in a handshake, I don't want to waste my time or the guys. There is either chemistry or there isn't and any situation I am put in, that can cancel out the power of chemistry.

Q: your expectations seem a little unreasonable. You ever think to maybe lower your expectations a little?

A: Not a chance. I am a girl who knows what she wants and will not settle for anything less. There are deal breakers and there are thing that can be worked out. I am not looking for Mr. Perfection, because let's face it, that is just setting myself up for disappointment! What I am looking for is Mr. Right for me!


Q: You think you maybe should spend more time talking to these guys online before meeting them?
A: No. I don't want to get carpal tunnel typing to guys that turn out to be ...well, how they have been turning out! I would rather see someone with a great profile, a great smile and a fun personality, plan a date and meet in person to see if there is any chemistry face to face. People can lie very easily online and meeting face to face cuts out the bullshit, or a lot of it, anyways!

Q: How is it you get so many dates?

A: I am awesome.

I am totally up for your questions. Send them along if you have any...post a comment!

2/18/10: Mr. SG

hursday

Location: Bada Sushi

Long time friends and a guy who I consider like a brother figure...but he has always had a major crush on me- (I have always thought he was homosexual), so I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him to take me out while he was in town visiting from Texas, where he now lives.
He meets me at my place dressed in his army garb (he is in the reserves and here to play solider for a few days), and he remembered where I lived from months and months back (due to the fact I am sure he use to stalk me to learn tips on applying rouge)...
We walk over to the Sushi restaurant while I sit through the blan rolls he orders, ignoring my recommendations, (even though I am a regular at the joint), and stories about how he gets facials weekly...(I'm sure he DOES get facials weekly, but not from a salon, if you know what I mean!)...He continued to talk about his daily regiment of eating egg whites, (because he likes the texture of them), lifting weights (to look sexy for the male folk) and working his "double shifts" (one being a male for male escort, I'm sure)...I try not to laugh at him throughout the meal and even the sushi chef gave me the "what are you doing here with THIS douche" look. He tried so hard to seem like a "man", talking about how he bosses around the maid he has in Texas...but he forgets to mention he is living with his dad and step-mom, which I believe he forgot I know!...
He invited me out to dinner, and he tells me to pay for half (doesn't even ASK). I had text confirmation from him that he would take ME out, so me expecting him to actually pay wasn't a bitchy move on my part!...If you are going to offer, be a man and pay!...
After dinner we walk back to my apartment where he immediately goes to the bathroom and spends a good 15 minutes, only to come out and brag about how much he stunk up the joint!...Romantic!...He tries to lean in for a kiss as he leaves (yes, shit and leave...nice guy right?)...but I deny him the opportunity to test out straight-hood on me. If you havent guessed it yet, Mr. SG stands for Mr. Secretly Gay!

2/17/10: Mr. One More

Wednesday

Location: Lucy's 51

The weirdest first date EVER!...After a week of emailing back and fourth after "meeting" on okcupid.com, he seemed like a normal "good guy", so I decided to meet him after work for Happy Hour on a Wednesday in Burbank. His profile said he was a non smoker, but I walked in the back and he was smoking in the lounge...a turn off, but not a deal breaker. He seemed nice at first- we met and he excused himself to the restroom...I made friend with the only other women in the room at the time. I am not one to miss out on meeting someone new, or rather, one to wait fora guy to make me entertained!..So I made friends...This could have been the reason for the downfall of the night...Since I had made friends, my new friends, Beth-Ann and Nikki-Renee (both half African American, super cool, but super drunk at 8pm girls), would not leave us alone all night, even after learning it was our first date!...Talks about wine, relaity television, healthcare....Poor Mr. One More couldn't handle one more woman on his date!...And then enters Miss PS...(Plastic Surgery)...A self proclaimed "artist" walks in, starts a monologue, then giggles and steals a cigarette  from my one of the girls we were talking to, randomly. We all share a giggle and hope she walks away, but she does not!...She proclaims her dissatisfaction with the cig, hands it BACK to the girl and bums another off my date!...She continues to be "around" while we try to have our own conversation  but fail miserably! Finaly Beth-Ann and Nikki-Renee leave for the night but PS continues to hang out with us, even though we have shared many annoyed looks and hints...Throughout it all, Mr. One More seemed generally into me and seemed to appreciate I was a go with the flow kind of girl and didnt seem OVERLY annoyed at the situation....This turned weird though when Miss PS SAT ON MY LAP AND SHOVED HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT! NO freaking joke!.....I had no time to react!!! She was clearly older then 29 years  old and a total coke head....Mr. One More though seemed VERY into it, even though I gave him the stareof death combined with the GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS SITUATION look...obviously he didn't know either and went in to kiss me...I refused and allowed a peck on the check! He kept talking about how hot it was that we kissed. I tried to argue it wasn't a kiss, but a molestation, and he didnt't hear, or didn't care...I thought he was a genltleman, but I guiess every guy these days dreams of a threesome, huh?

So, ...I went up to the bar...to order another drink, to find out, the owner was refusing me another drink, (although I had just ONE), because he didnt like that I WAS MAKING OUT WITH BOTH THE GIRL AND THE GUY ON THE PATIO!...So, needless to say, the night didnt last much longer...

While I was up at the bar, attempting to get a drink, or even a glass of water...(which ended unsuccessfully), Mr. One more was in the lounge area talking with Miss PS...It lasted about 20 minutes!...He finally came back to me at the bar after Miss PS left...at that time, I called it a night!...

I hadnt had any dinner and at 10pm near home, I drove through Jack In The Box drive thru. The drive thru guy flirted with me more than my date this evening!!!...

Weirdest First date ever!

2/13/10: Mr. Drummer Boy

Saturday


Location: Huntington Central Park Disk Golf Course+Main Street

So, giving Mr. Drummer Boy the benefit of the doubt and agreeing to trying something new on a gorgeous Sat afternoon in Huntington Beach, proved to be the wrong choice. While Disk Golf would be a fun date option for some, Mr. Drummer Boy was all too intensely serious about it. First, he was over an hour late because he was researching discs to purchase. Since I had driven down, I thought I may as well wait and try to be patient.When he finally arrived, he spent another 30 minutes talking to the pro shop guy about discs...Now, I could understand if you were trying to be all pro or whatever in a sport, but he himself had only gone 3 other times before and this was suppose to be a fun date...not a serious "disk golf" lesson...They are freaking FRISBEE's ...ugh. Well, I TRIED to look past all that and attempted to have fun playing a new "sport". Many opportunities for fun and flirting, but this guy barely said two words ALL 18 "holes"!!! no joke! I think he was actually pissed off that I caught on so well and was doing as good if not better then him! Even when I hit a squirrel with a frisbee and I was busting up, he barely chuckled and kept throwing his disc....I wanted to go after like the 12th hole but he was determined to get all 18 in, even after sunset...we could barely see on the non-lite field finishing the last 2 holes and treading through mud- I was wearing sandals!...After the 18th hole, I was ready for a margarehitta and neither of us had eaten all day- so we headed down to Main Street in Huntington. We parked and then walked out to the pier...not to be romantic, not even in the slightest! ha! He wanted to "check out the waves"...literally. It was cold and windy on the pier and we walked just to where the waves were breaking and then walked back.We ate at Fred's Mexican Cantina where I enjoyed a very large margi and watched Mr. Drummer Boy as he excused himself to use the restroom, only to go to the next room over to flirt with a group of 18 year olds where I could clearly see through the glass. I sat through him talking about how he hates Valentines Day, how he hates girls from California and can't wait to move to Colorado, how he has always had a crush on black women but never dated one...oh, it was a hoot! All I could think about was getting home to write about him, trying to remember all the details and adding notes on my iphone under the table without him knowing. This was truly an experience!...To top it off, he asked the waitress who was clearly no older than 21 what days she works so he can come visit her again!...Mr. Drummer Boy does NOT have any reason to be so full of himself! A 33 year old who is at the most 5'9 1/2, prolly weighs a good 220 or so (not muscle)...Wear a permanent sweater...ewww...has not had a girlfriend in 9 years according to himself...I just dont get why these types of guys are like this! He wasn't HORRIBLE looking, but his attitude and personality made him one of the ugliest people I've met. He had to drive me back to his place in Redondo to get my car- classic rock on the radio, quite typical...then his confession of having romantic fantasies about Mrs. Huxtable since he was like 7 came! Mrs. Huxtable...not one of the daughters!...Just seemed weird to me, but then the realization that the Motown Dinner the previous night was likely not as RANDOM as he first told me...He turned on the movie Ali and raved how gorgeous he thought the female lead is as well. It was all making sense...There was a theme going on or so it appeared and my big ass was the only commonality I could come up with! His one attempt to be romantic in the slightest all day was right before I walked out. "Will you lay on top of me?"-Him....
"Um...REALLY, Dude!?...No!" -Me
I walked out to never return again!...
Happy Valentines to me!

2/12/10: Mr. Drummer Boy

Friday


Location: Cafe Cordiale 
After a not so great day and after a long nap, I decided to be spontaneous and agreed to a last minute date with Mr. Drummer Boy. We had planned to meet up tomorrow but neither of us had Fri night plans and were bored, so we thought we might as well move it up a night. Now, this guy has already told me a relationship wouldn't work because of the distance; he lives in Redondo, so we already set a non-expectation of each other, just drinks and dinner...something to do, someone new to meet. We met half way in Sherman Oaks at this cafe blues club place he had just kind of randomly picked on a map. Turns out, it was R&B night and we were two out of four white people there. I felt like I was back on the Detroit motown Dinner Cruise! It was awesome though! The band was amazing and all the people there were so cool/soulful and just downright fun! I think there was an entire defensive line from a football team there...the food was good, service was great...conversation was a little slow to warm up and he was kinda grundgy in a hoody, but after a little while, and an awkward compliment, (He said I was as pretty as a woman on a Russian Mail Order Bride Website...kinda disturbing...but his way of saying I looked like a model- he had to explain that to me and could have done without telling me so blatantly that he had looked at a mail order bride website! hahaha)...he seemed to loosen up a little and had a nice personality behind his long curly hair and beard. (Not long long, but longer then I'm use to)...It's weird though...these online guys just want to talk about their and my experiences with others we've meet from the website...it's kind of weird talking about other dates, but with the stories I have, I guess it makes for an easy opening. After dinner and one drink at Cafe Cordiale, we walked across the street to Cozy's where he had an old band friend playing in a Blues group. He seemed to like me and introduced me to his friend and invited me to play disk golf with him tomorrow. I've never played actual Frisbee golf before, just the youth group "hit that tree over there" kind back in middle school. I havent decided if I wanna go yet. It would be in Huntington Beach and it should be a gorgeous day for it...I'm just not sure I want to spend the gas/money to drive down there, especially since I don't really care for hairy chests, which he has. lol. We would be on the beach and I'm sure he would be shirtless at least sometime tomorrow...We'll see if I feel up for the drive. It would be fun to get out and try something new though. It's been awhile!...(Oh, btw: The reason I named him Mr. Drummer Boy is because, you guessed it, he plays the drums. He is in a band that has opened for Bob Dylan I guess...just musical and mostly blues-y stuff. He also works as a supervisor in a call center for electronics, so we have that in common)...

Still no Valentine, although I have had a couple offers...just none I've wanted to agree to yet. lol..If I am alone on Sunday, it's my own fault, really- I would just rather be alone than with someone I don't REALLY like!

2/4/10: The DB

Thursday


Location: Bada Sushi

I was going to go to bed at like 7pm after having a headache for most the day, but I got a phone call from The DB saying he was on his way over to take me to dinner. Without even a chance to say no, he was knocking at my door and we were walking next door to grab some sushi...I've known The DB since high school and we tried to date once last year but it fizzled out. This was the first time I had seen him this new year. The type of guy I just feel comfortable around and I can be myself around, we always seem to just pick up right where we left off...He always flakes on me though and I could'nt see myself in a REAL lasting relationship with him even though he always hints at it. He paid for dinner and we walked back to my place. During the walk he asked what my Valentines plans were. When I told him I had none, he asked if he could be my Valentine. Although a super sweet gesture, I couldn't help but tease him a little and joke about the idea...had to give him a hard time...but he seemed serious so I laid off him a little bit ;) ...at my place we talked a little more on my balcony and he left by 10pm...a planned early night in, turned out to be a nice night spent with a friend, which turned into more of a date situation...it was a nice surprise.
Although The DB is planning to move to Colorado if he can get a job there...so if a serious candidate comes along and wants to be my REAL Valentine, The DB will understand, I'm sure. I think it's more of a pity Valentine than a serious one!
UPDATE: The DB took me out again the night after and all seemed to be going well until he flaked on me the following Tuesday when we had planned to go to a late dinner...people never change!...So needless to say, I inquired on Valentines Day and he replied with "Well, I have to work all day Sunday anyways, so you may as well find another date"..AWESOME. I'm done waiting for guys to come to their senses....NEXT!